My background is Roman Catholic; intellectual lower-middle
class [on] my mother's side, and blue-collar lower-middle
class on my father's. I usually call myself bi-kinky, but
I don't like to go to bed in a vanilla way with people of
the [same] sex, so I [am] heterosexual in that [respect].
It also depends on what you call sex. I don't call S&M sex;
I call S&M erotic play. I will play with men [or] women of
any sexual orientation--gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual crossdressers,
transsexuals. [It] doesn't matter to me in terms of the S&M
play.
I'm a very passionate person. When I did theater, I thought
[theater]. And when I came to America, I had no intention
of going back. I like to jump into [a] thing and explore it
all the way. So [when] I started playing, [I went] to all
of the things I could possibly go to [that were] S&M-oriented.
I started playing with leathermen, as a bottom to them and
as a top to my own private partner. [With] a gay leatherman
it [was] S&M, not going to bed together. [It] stayed in the
dungeon, the playroom. So I came out as a switch.
Besides making a living at S&M, I get sexually turned-on
by it. I feel alive. I look at the whole thing as a dance.
[There is a lengthy] courting dance of light S&M and progressive
build-up. The whole beginning is for them. The courting [continues]
until the person is ready. [And then] I enjoy taking people
to their limits and a bit past [them]. That might mean [giving]
two more or three more [blows with] the cane, or turning up
the electricity just a little bit more, or keeping them in
bondage and [having them] beg just a little more. Those five
minutes are for me; that is my payback and my enjoyment for
all the energy and work I [invest].
While they're giving me a little more than what they really
want to they're [still] not calling the safe word. Strangely
enough, very few people want safe words. They just think they
have to have them. I will give them a slowdown safe word.
If they [use that], I will honor it and slow down but I won't
stop the scene completely: I might go back to it. If they
are into very stringent activity, I will give them a stop
safe word. I pride myself that no has ever had to use a stop
word with me. Also, for my own certainty, if a session involves
a gag or heavy bondage, I will give them a safe gesture or
a safe sound.
[During] the warm-up I [develop] feelings of closeness
with the people I'm working on, an understanding of them.
I [appreciate] the aesthetics of what I'm doing that's specifically
pleasing to them. And [there's a spirit] of play. When I get
to my own personal enjoyment--true sadism--I get turned on.
I get aroused by that moment where I'm pushing limits.
Usually people who do professional S&M write something
like, "Your fantasies realized." What I write is, "Cleo's
fantasies," and I list the fantasies that turn me on. There
are a few fantasies that turn me on, not many. [They all have]
an element of being pushed: if you are a captive or prisoner,
you get pushed. You're not a slave. So I like captivity fantasies.
I also like embarrassing fantasies because of my strange sense
of humor. Embarrassing fantasy [expresses] my intellect, my
humor. I like to make people do things that they wouldn't
[ordinarily do]. I like to embarrass someone, because I can
play with that embarrassment psychologically. It's a mental
game. My own sense of sarcasm [can] come out and play. I find
that 99% of the people I see are turned on by challenging
some taboo.
A part of my psychological [satisfaction] is [having]
fun. I like to be mischievous. I like to poke at people: poke
them with physical objects, like sterile needles, and poke
at them with humiliation and mind games. Sometimes I like
to get somebody into stringent bondage and just laugh [or]
make comments, because it's aesthetically funny. But I'm not
a slave trainer. I am not [one to] train people to stand in
the corner [or] wait on me perfectly. I've never been comfortable
with that. It is not my forte to train people for service;
I train them to become better masochists and to accept more
input. [That's why] I work on the kind of people who are a
challenge, for whom embarrassment [drives] barriers down [so]
they become more submissive.
I believe in being myself in the dungeon. Being myself
[means having] a sense of humor. If I do something that is
wrong, [if] I tell somebody, "Stand up" and I forget that
I tied a knot to their balls and they cannot stand up, I'm
not going to cover up. I say, "Oops! I made a mistake. Mistresses
are not perfect, haha!" That's me. This is one of the reasons
why I don't take fantasy slaves. Fantasy slaves tend to think
that you're always dressed in a corset and high-heel shoes
and always act a certain way. I tell people that it's not
so. That's my part in demystifying [S&M]. If somebody calls
and says, "I want an appointment at 11:30," I say, "You can't,
because I'm going swimming at 11:30." Or, "I'll be riding
my bicycle." And they go, "Shit, she rides a bicycle! Hmmm!"
Part of me wants people to understand that, just like
they're not in the dungeon being a slave 24 hours a day, I'm
not in my dungeon. I'm not following my partner around with
a whip when he's making dinner! That's me. For some people,
the full-time life-style might be really wonderful; it's not
for me. People who need a standardized [image] of a sadist
won't get along with me. People who are willing to be themselves
[will]. It's personal chemistry. I think I connect well with
masochists and submissive masochists. I don't believe there
are very many slaves out there. I believe there [are] trainable
submissives.
Being a professional dominant is a service to the world--and
a valuable service. I do not think that one is like royalty,
that things are owed to you. I provide a decent service for
the people who need it. Sensory deprivation is a service.
Nothing in it is for me. It's all for the client. A lot of
people are interested in sensory deprivation, but very few
people know how to do it. I see creating a scene that involves
sensory deprivation as a service.
Not as many women as I wish [visit] professional dominants.
It's mainly men clients. They want to go on a trip. They want
[time out] from their normal reality. They want a magic experience,
which I equate with shamanic experience.
I get a lot of mail. I ask people to write back after
a heavy session so I have a lot of written materials and feedback.
[It seems that] people often go into what they call hypnotic
trances, altered states. They go inward. I provide a situation
[where] they can go inward rather than outward. [This experience
is] the opposite of slave service. I [consider myself] like
a train conductor: I am the driver; the [bottom is] the train;
I [discover] where the track is, and I have to follow it.
[Safety issues are] very complicated. I don't think there's
one single answer for this. Knowing the physical condition
of the people you play with is very important--are there any
sports injuries, old injuries, allergies, phobias, physical
limitations? Questions should be asked before one engages
in any sort of bondage. [I do] not expect the bottom to remember
everything. A lot of people say, "I don't have any problems!"
They get on their knees, and five minutes later say, "Mistress,
may I please speak," and I say, "Is it about safety?" They
say, "Yes." And I say, "What is it?" "My knee's killing me;
I really can't stay on my knees." "So how come you didn't
tell me earlier?"
[You should] not expect your partner necessarily to be
able to give you all of the information right away about [his]
body condition. That condition is [critically] important in
determining what kind of bondage [will be] done; [this extends
to] any sort of play. [One should] not engage in exotic stuff
unless you've done your homework [and] research. [It's] common
sense: I've never been to school for medicine, but I took
CPR and talk to a lot of people [about these issues]. Heavy
bondage, sensory deprivation, suspension would not be good
for people who have only been playing for a little [while].
It takes a long time to acquire [skills] to do these things.
That's why I have a problem with certain videos that show
a woman hanging off the floor, suspended only by [her] breasts
or wrists. I feel very [strongly] about this, because somebody
can go home and create a dangerous situation.
I think that [one must] proceed with caution with heavy
play [such as] sensory- deprivation bondage and electrotorture
and piercing. You're required to gather the right information.
There are groups throughout the country that [provide good]
information. I really [stress S&M] community involvement,
so that you learn. I always learn from others. I also give
workshops on the things I [know]. Safety is really important.
You cannot just [make a quick list of precautions]: there
are so many things to take into consideration.
People introduce you to new interests all the time. When
I started, I was only interested in whipping. Little by little,
[I was] introduced to things by [the] people that wanted them.
[A] bottom or masochist would bring in a new interest, and
I would start playing with it and see if I liked it or not.
I realized I like a variety of things. That's how corsets
came waltzing into my life! [For me] corsets are a [kind]
of bondage; [it's] an aesthetic. I enjoy corsetry as a sadist;
I enjoy it as a sadistic piece of bondage equipment. And I
enjoy the visual.
I like gender-bending rather than complete transformation.
I like to see a man in a corset, with his genitals out and
some other sort of bondage on him rather [than] full transformation,
[which is] not my personal fetish. I like corsets on myself,
because it makes my figure look better; I also like the feeling
of the corset. There is a confining kind of sexiness to it.
Of course, if it's very, very tight, it can make a person
[feel] quite helpless. You can't bend too much when you have
that [on]. I like putting people in them. I like putting a
masochistic female that I play with in [a] corset. I mainly
use it for sessions. I do know someone who uses it for body
modification. Corset training, [however], is a full-time occupation,
and most people who do sessions have a private life!
[What I'd really like people to know about S&M is that]
the display--[that which] appears to the outsider--and [the
reality are] usually opposites. Somebody [may] seem to be
in intense agony, [but] might very well be in intense ecstasy.
If somebody is in inescapable bondage [an outsider might think],
"Poor them! They're totally helpless!" [But] they might be
having a great time, feeling very free about their desire,
their emotions, their vulnerability, their catharsis, their
sexuality.
Many [people] who like [bondage know that] when you're
tied up, you can let the sensation-- whatever it may be: embarrassing,
nonembarassing, erotic, "slutty"--come out, because, as far
as your mind is concerned, you're helpless. You can fight
it, [but] eventually you have to go with it. [The same is
true of] pain. I find bondage to be very helpful in accepting
the input; you can travel with it.
In my experience [bondage] is not really for the kind
of submissive that would do as he or she is told without bondage.
It is for people who will put up resistance--sassy masochists,
smart-ass masochists--until it is proven to them through the
bondage that it's useless to resist. [Their] minds say, "Oh!
Why in the world am I putting all my energy into fighting
this? It's going to happen anyway. CLICK!" Then they relax
and usually get very turned on, because it's a deep erotic
state. Their attention really [goes] into their body.
I do all kinds of bondage. I do a lot of rope bondage.
I do a lot of leather bondage, using all kind of leather straps.
I do Betty Page-type bondage. I do bondage that takes people's
body shape and body limitations, fears and phobias into consideration.
I do all kinds of different bondage tricks. Bondage grows
on you. Somebody starts [out] only wanting their hands behind
their back; three years later [they] might be really interested
in being completely restrained, not being able to move anything.
I advertise sensory deprivation. People call and ask,
"Do you have a body bag? Do you have [an] inflatable hood?"
And I say, "Yes, I do." As far as I [can tell], most people
into sensory deprivation are also interested in sensory overload.
I take away as many senses as I can and then, if it's appropriate,
overload one sense. I'll start at the top. Earplugs. Blindfold.
Gag. Hood. Inflatable hood. Sometimes, inflatable hoods with
breathing tubes. Posture collar [to control the] head, the
neck, the body. Mummification, with Saran Wrap or an Ace bandage
[type] wrap. Body bags. All the bondage [is] put on the body
beforehand-- [it could be] tight rope bondage up and down
the body. Then a body bag on top of it. Or Saran Wrap. Suspension--suspension
[is] always close to the ground but lifted off the floor.
Disorientation. Upside-down suspension. Floating suspension.
Those [are the things] I'm talking about when I use the phrase
sensory deprivation.
[If I use] sensory overload, [it could mean] electricity
play, piercing: [a] specific point of overloadment. I [might]
run electricity to the genital area. It could be a heavy whipping,
but if people get into a quiet fantasy, I seldom do a heavy
whipping [then]. [I might try] sensations of different kinds
on the genitals if the session is going to get erotic. If
I see the person getting turned on--[and] with a male it's
very easy to see--then I [may] either poke a hole in the Saran
Wrap or [give] some specific sensation [to] the nipples or
the genital area. Or I might not.
[For suspension bondage], I have two winches. I use a
lot of ropework [in suspension. It supports] the body at different
points so the body weight is as well distributed as possible.
I [may] use suspension bars to lift people off the ground
by cuffs [secured around their ankles]. I can use two suspension
bars and lift them by their feet and hands; [one needs] the
proper cuffs. The middle of the body [is] tied to rigging
made of [heavy] rope. It is a lot of work. [One should] also
use an appropriate piece of equipment, such as [one] we call
[a] "panic snap." If you use regular hardware [for suspension],
if somebody fainted, you'd have to lift them off! [With a]
panic snap you, do not have to lift the weight in order to
let [the person] down. There's all kind of [safety equipment].