Ack! Did we really write this stuff? Hm. from the fevered mind
of a budding dominatrix
Long ago and far away, in a distant virtual land, before there
was a Web, or even a Net, a nice, well-educated Jewish girl joined
an electronic BBS devoted to SM topics. This was in 1986, and the
nice Jewish girl was me. The BBS was called Love-Line, and it was
based in New York. Although a girlfriend had been exhorting me for
a year or more to explore SM, claiming that she could tell I was
kinky, I simply didn't believe it. I'd always had the wildest fantasies
(which I'd never told anyone about) but, having read through the
standard SM works (like Story of O and the works of De Sade),
I did not feel my own fantasies qualified as SM. It wasn't until
I joined the BSS that I finally realized my friend was absolutely
right about me: my private fetishes and perversions made me a walking
case study of sadomasochism in extremis.
Although I had to face my own private struggle with being an SMer--like
most people who come to this knowledge late, and with serious questions
about its implications--my overall feeling when I realized what
I was (and thus understood more about who I am) was PURE RELIEF.
I didn't feel quite so alone anymore; and there was something dangerous
and exciting about discovering that I was part of a radical sexual
fringe. The experience of sharing my fantasies on-line, and meeting
people who accepted (and even exalted) my desires was exhilarating.
For someone who had been so immensely repressed and in hiding from
herself about her deepest desires, the transformation was sudden
and revolutionary. One day, I was prudish about kink; the next,
I embraced it with open arms, full of joy to at last have a name
for what I was sexually. I've never looked back and I've never regretted
coming out in every area of my life, though it has cost me a few
relationships (but really only a very few!). I thought, and still
think, that being able to live in truth with oneself, about who
one is and what one really needs, is the only path worth taking.
So exhilarating was my first step into SM that, within months of
joining the BBS, I began composing erotica to upload to the databases.
Although I've been writing masturbatory fantasies for myself since
I was a teenager--one might even say I have a fetish for writing
smut!- this was the first time I wrote erotica for public consumption.
And, boy did I write. Every perverse thought that I'd been bottling
up for 30 years came tumbling out in a mad rush. We are talking
A LOT of thoughts! My libido has always operated at maximum speed.
Typing late into the night, I posted dozens of twisted stories
on Love-Line. To my surprise (relief? joy? wet panties?), my febrile
imaginings became enormously popular--or notorious, depending on
your point of view.
In 1987, I founded the first on-line SM support group "Variations
II" (on Compuserve) and promptly churned out more erotica for that
data library. People seemed to enjoy these very much as well, at
least until CompuServe purged our datalibrary (on charges of being
pornographic), and the lot were censored.
I also began publishing erotica pseudonymously in a range of D&S;
magazines, including "Hard Bound," "Stand Corrected," "Spank Hard,"
"Dressing for Pleasure," and others. Because I was still working
mainstream jobs in those days, all of these works were published
under one of three pseudonyms (Mistress Cleopatra, Mistress Angelique
and Mistress Miranda). Then, in 1989, Will, Jon and I started our
own electronic SM newsletter ("The Original Agenda") and I began
a D&S; serial in that publication as well.
In 1990, I found myself infinitely more drawn to writing smut for
private consumption again...partly because I had found a correspondent
who intrigued me so much that I preferred exchanging fantasies with
him to creating ones for strangers. So I confined my efforts to
scintillating private letters for several years (and have destroyed
most of them, since I've decided there's quite enough already about
my sex life available in the free world...) and also out of consideration
for the man of my epistolary dreams.
But when I started up this website, I again decided that no SM
spot would be complete without some smut. The results are a series
of femdom tales composed in the last 12 months, which regular readers
here have seen. These stories will be compiled, along with about
a dozen more, into a book of femdom erotica which will be published
in 1998 by Daedalus Press (working title: DOMINA). I will,
naturally, promote it here when the book's publishing date approaches.
As for my old stuff...I had pretty much forgotten about it. But
a couple of months ago, JoAnna Michaels of the now (sadly) defunct
HighHeels website asked for a TV-related story or two from
me, and it occurred to me that it was time to finally to look for
the old files and see if anything I wrote in those early days, when
I was bursting at the seams to explore SM of every kind, wasn't
too dreadful to publish.
Well...it may be...but I've decided to include a few samples of
my vintage erotica on this site anyway. In case anyone has not yet
figured it out...I really have NO SHAME.
Hope you enjoy!