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Different Loving : The Interviews

Below are some of the interviews from DIFFERENT LOVING to give you a sense of the individuals who spoke to us about the kinks and fetishes nearest and dearest to their hearts.

Interviewees for DIFFERENT LOVING were solicited in a number of ways. We mass-mailed support groups and leather clubs throughout North America with a full description of our project and asked for volunteers. We used our personal network of contacts in the Scene in New York; Los Angeles; Chicago; San Francisco; Washington, D.C.; and Atlanta. We solicited volunteers through on-line services. Word spread sufficiently throughout the Scene that volunteers began to contact us.

Roughly 150 in-depth interviews were recorded, providing us with 250 hours of taped material. Approximately 95 women and men were selected for inclusion in the book. The interviews uploaded here derive from our original manuscript: in some cases, they are longer than those which appear in the book, or they unite material which was distributed throughout the text.

The Different Loving on-line interviews currently include:

How We Solicited Interviews

Below are two documents that we created when soliciting interviews for the book. The first is a transcript of the original flyer sent to S/M and fetish organizations about our book. We also posted information about our project in various on-line support groups, such as those on Compuserve and the Internet. The second document is a copy of the letter we then sent to individuals who'd responded to the public post, indicating that they were interested in talking to us.


Project Description


A positive look into power relationships, domination/submission,
SM, and related fetishes and orientations.

DIFFERENT LOVING, to be published by Villard (a division of Random House) in 1992-'93, is a comprehensive, humanistic, and positive look at power relationships, domination/submission (D&S) and sado/masochism (SM), and all the fetishes and orientations which are commonly associated with power relationships. The authors (Gloria and Will Brame and Jon Jacobs) are committed to writing a book which depicts such interests as both an acceptable expression of sexuality and a matter of individual choice.

DIFFERENT LOVING devotes separate chapters to specific interests (e.g., body modification, corporal punishment, spanking, bondage, water sports, infantilism, transgenderism, leather/latex, fetishes, etc.). In addition to a general overview for each, there will be extensive interviews with real people. There are two categories of interviewees: (1) people who wish to use their full names (real or Scene names) and (2) anonymous private practitioners (gay, straight, bi, top, bottom, switch). [PLEASE NOTE: all interviewees are requested to sign releases, for their legal protection and our own.] We also include comments from sympathetic doctors and psychologists. The book emphasizes the importance of safe, sane, and mutually consensual activity.

The tone of the book is simply: "these alleged deviations aren't nearly as extraordinary as you think, and folks who like this stuff are normal, upright, kind, caring people, just like anyone else." We are not just writing this for other D&S'ers, but for the mainstream audience which is generally bombarded with negative and extremely misleading information about alternative sexuality. We feel confident that far more people practice or fantasize about some kind of variation than has ever been publicly acknowledged.

The publisher is progressive and committed to this project; he intends to market it as widely as possible. He has promised to support the book with a national promotional tour and talk-show appearences. We are hopeful that, among other things, this book will not only bring out positive information about the various alternative sexuality communities but that it will also bring some money into the communities--the publisher is open to advertising and distribution through the sources we will recommend. All in all, we are hoping that many good things will come of this project. But our first priority is simply to spread some good information (for a change) about sexual alternatives.

We welcome contacts from any and all who are sincerely interested in helping us make this project successful--and accurate! For further information you can call me at my home [contact information deleted]. If you are interested in being interviewed, please call Jon Jacobs directly (he will be conducting all interviews) at [contact information deleted].

Gloria Brame


Interview Schedule Letter (sample)

Dear Interviewee,

Recently Gloria asked you if you would be willing to be an interview subject for our book-in-progress, tentatively titled Different Loving. You replied in the affirmative, and I would now like to schedule your interview.

Interviews will be done over the phone and will be recorded. **You will be referred to using a pseudonym in the book; we guarantee your anonymity.**

General areas to be discussed in the interview will include the following:

  • Your sexual orientation and its place in your life
  • Your view on how you developed your sexuality
  • Your most intense experiences in terms of your sexuality
  • Your most compelling or exciting fantasies
  • Whether you feel that you're at your limit
  • If possible, I would like to do your interview between June 21 and July 20. Daytime interviews are preferable, but I will, of course, be happy to schedule at any time that is convenient to you.

    Your cooperation in this project is immensely appreciated. We cannot present the subject at hand in an honest and human light without the openness and cooperation of you and the other participants whom we will be interviewing. I'm looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Please accept my thanks--and those of Gloria and Will--in advance.

    Jon Jacobs


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