
A Glossary of Scene Slang
A User's Guide to the acronyms, buzz-words
and slang terms used by BDSMers
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SPEAKING THE KINKY LINGO
If you explore the organized communities of SM/fetish sex, you
will come across a plethora of words, acronyms, and terms that
may be unfamiliar to you. This subcultural slang is used to help
kinky people clarify what they do with their partners. The slang
comes from all corners of the kinky world--gay, lesbian,
professional domination, leather, fetish. The Internet too has
given rise to a variety of terms relevant to kinky people.
Below is a primer that should cover almost all your needs
in
understanding what people are talking about. Some terms left off
this (like spanking, whipping, flogging, etc.) are plain English
and do not require special definitions here.
Most of these terms are not set in stone. Indeed, people
may disagree with some of my definitions. It's also important to
note that the definitions of all the terms below are continually
evolving, as people debate their meaning and strive to find new
ways to articulate the realities of kinky sex.
A GLOSSARY OF SCENE SLANG
Adult Babies: also
known as AB's or
infantilists, are people who
get erotic and emotional pleasure from wearing diapers or acting
like babies.
Ageplay:
when one
partner assumes the role of the adult in the
relationship and the other assumes the role of the child.
Ageplay is usually roleplay only but some couples extend it to a
lifestyle and remain in role with each other at all times.
Animal Training:
fantasy play in which one partner is an animal
trainer and the other is the animal. Ponyplay and dogplay are
the two most popular forms this takes. Fantasies including
obedience training, exercise training, paper-training (in
dogplay), harnessing and riding (in ponyplay), and so on. Other
popular animal roles include cats (especially kittens), tigers,
pigs, cows, and worms.
B&D.;
Acronym for
Bondage & Discipline, also written as BD or
B/D, and sometimes combined with SM to form BDSM. B&D; is an old
expression and is still used fairly interchangeably with D&S; and
SM, but some people define BD as bondage and discipline without
pain, and also without defined power roles.
BDSM.
This
portmanteau covers most SM/fetish-related kinks. It
is a popular way of linguistically uniting the various types of
players whose actual practices may differ.
Bear:
a hairy,
often large-sized, and typically cigar-smoking
man, usually gay. There is a sub-cult of kinky people who are
hopelessly turned on by bears.
Bi-Kinky:
someone
who is heterosexual when it comes to
penetration, but who will do SM with same-sex partners
Bi-Possible:
someone who is heterosexual but may, in a power dynamic, be
willing to explore bisexual scenarios
Biological
Female/Male:
refers to someone's sex at birth. A
biological female (also known as "gender girl" or "gg") was born
with the sex organs of a female, and a biological male was born
with male organs. (See "transgenderism" below.)
Black Party:
a
party, usually at a gay leather club, which only
people dressed in black clothes (and preferably black leather)
may attend.
Blood-sports:
radical SM play involving cutting, piercing or
anything else which deliberately draws blood
Body modification:
this includes tattooing, branding, corsetting,
piercing, binding or distending flesh, cutting, and any other
things people do to alter their body in primitive ways.
Body service:
when a submissive takes care of all the
dominant's bodily needs, acting as a trained servant in bathing,
shaving, hair-styling, manicures, pedicures, and other hygiene
and grooming rituals.
Body worship:
oral service (including licking, sucking and
kissing) by a submissive to the dominant Implies no taboos or
inhibitions about oral contact with any and all body parts.
Boot-boy:
submissive (usually gay) male who has a fetish for
leather boots worn by tops, and who frequently works at a leather
bar or charitable event shining shoes. The conclusion to the
shoe-shining often is oral service to the boots. (See "boot
worship," under "foot worship" below.)
Bottom:
person who
receives pain or bondage in an SM scene, but who may or may not
have a power relationship with the top. Also used as a verb ("to
bottom").
Boy:
widely
applied to male submissives, but has special meaning in gay
leather culture, where it may also refer to the submissive
partner in a Daddy/boy relationship. Also used in lesbian
culture to denote a male-identified (but biologically female)
bottom. Used with less frequency among heterosexuals (to mean
the same things).
Breath Control:
a
form of edgeplay in which the top restricts the bottom's ability
to breathe, either by constricting the neck or by blocking the
mouth or nose. It's important to point out that this is done for
extremely tiny intervals, and seldom to the
point of unconsciousness.
Brown Showers:
being pooped on (or doing the pooping on someone)
Butch:
usually
refers specifically to lesbians who express a
masculine identity, but can apply to any women who seem mannish.
The butch is usually the top in a leather relationship.
CBT, CBTT:
acronyms for, respectively, cock-and-ball torture and
cock, ball and tit torture. CBT refers to any sadistic play with
male genitalia; tit torture means rough play with nipples (male
or female).
Collaring:
a
ceremony in which a submissive formally accepts the
dominant's "collar" and becomes "officially" owned. It is the
BDSM equivalent of a wedding, and is witnessed by friends and
other people friendly to the lifestyle
The Community:
a
blanket term used to refer to the organized
SM/fetish communities, including the thousands of leather clubs,
SM venues (bars and play-spaces), educational outreach groups,
social clubs, support groups, and all other organizations which
openly celebrate SM/fetish sex. The Community does not include
everyone who is interested in kink but is limited to those who
actively seek out and maintain close social contact with other
kinky people through groups and organizations.
D&S;:
also known as
Dominance and Submission, DS, D/S, or D/s.
Sometimes called "Power Relationships" (see "power exchange" and
"total power exchange" below). D&S; may be used interchangeably
with B&D; or SM; or it may be used to refer to a power
relationship, where one partner is the sexual dominant and the
other is the submissive.
Daddy:
anyone who
assumes a paternal/mentoring role with a
submissive or bottom and, in that role, expresses a masculine
identity. (In other words, lesbian, bi and het women may take
the Daddy role with their partners if they enjoy transgender
play.)
Daddy/boy relationships also exist in the non-leather gay
community: among non-kinky gays, Daddy/boy relationships are
generally focused on mentoring and care-taking.
Dominant:
a woman
or man who assumes sexual (and possibly more far-reaching)
control over a submissive partner.
Dungeon:
any
space set aside for SM activity, public or private,
and furnished with some SM equipment. Not all dungeons have
large-scale equipment--home dungeons, because of space
limitations, may have only small toys.
Edgeplay:
SM
which is on the "edge" of safety. No area of SM
raises more controversy as a good number of people feel that no
one should walk the edge. Others, obviously, disagree.
Electroplay/electrotorture:
using electrical devices for
stimulation.
Fat Admirer:
also
known as FA. A person who has a fetish for fat
people. A "feeder" is a dominating person who derives pleasure
from watching their partners consume large quantities of food and
who actively encourage (or compel) them to gain more weight.
"Feeding" could be considered "edge-play" in that obesity causes
serious health problems. There are also FA's who simply
appreciate a BBW (big, beautiful woman) or a Bear and who don't
want power over their partner's eating habits or weight.
Femme:
usually
refers specifically to a feminine lesbian (may
also be known as a "lipstick lesbian"), i.e., one who outwardly
conforms to conventional female role models but who is bisexual
or lesbian. Used, but rarely, to refer to het women.
Fisting:
also
known as fist fucking, FF and handballing, it's the slow
insertion of a hand into a vagina or anus. Some tops will ball
their hands into fists once inside, depending on the receptivity
of the bottom, ergo the term "fisting."
Flag/flagging:
the use of color-coded bandannas (called
"hankies" or "flags") to let others know what turns you on. The
"hanky code" is a system--developed within the gay culture--where
colors represent different kinks. The hanky code has faded
in popularity but some still abide by it.
People also flag their top/bottom
orientation with the
left/right "code" or "convention". Dominants or tops flag on the
left; submissives or bottoms on the right. The applies to other
SM attire (for example, a dominant always wears her whip on the
left side of her belt).
Below, I've listed the most popular
"SM"-type flags,
according to color, and indicating what it means if you wear the
color on the left and on the right.
- APRICOT: LEFT: Chubby-chaser or fat admirer. RIGHT: big
person
- BLACK: LEFT: heavy top/sadist RIGHT: heavy
bottom/masochist
- BLACK VELVET: LEFT: voyeur RIGHT: exhibitionist
- BROWN: LEFT: likes to be on top for watersports ("scat" or
coprophilia and also enemas) RIGHT: likes to be on bottom.
- CHARCOAL: LEFT: top with a latex/rubber fetish. RIGHT:
bottom with a latex/rubber fetish.
- DARK PINK: LEFT: likes to give nipple pain. RIGHT: likes
to receive nipple pain
- GRAY: LEFT: likes to do bondage as a top. RIGHT: likes to
be bound.
- HOUNDSTOOTH: LEFT: likes to bite. RIGHT: likes to be
bitten
- LAVENDER: LEFT: likes to top cross-dressers RIGHT: likes
to wear drag
- LIGHT PINK: LEFT: likes to use dildoes on people RIGHT:
likes to have dildoes used on her/him.
- PURPLE: LEFT: likes to pierce RIGHT: likes to be pierced
- RUST: LEFT: likes to play with "ponies" RIGHT: likes to be
the pony
- TAN: LEFT: likes to smoke cigars and play with hot ash.
RIGHT: wants to worship cigar-smoker and receive hot ash
- YELLOW: LEFT: likes to be on top for golden shower scenes
RIGHT: likes to receive golden showers
Foot-play:
erotic
interactions with feet and all forms of foot
fetishism (see chapter on Fetishes)
Foot worship:
also called "foot service." Oral service
(licking, kissing, sucking) to bare feet.
Forced feminization:
this is when a dominatrix (or
sometimes a
male dominant) "forces" a submissive man into feminine clothes.
It is confusing to some people that this scene is described as
"forced" when the submissive consented to it--or even requested
it.
French Maid:
fantasy role-play in which the submissive (male or
female) is dressed in a "french maid's uniform" and serves food,
drinks, and so on. The uniform usually comprises a very short,
one piece dress, often made of fetish material; a frilled
petticoat; a frilly apron; stockings and high-heels; and other
frou-frou (such as a lacy headpiece, lace wrist-cuffs, and white
gloves). See "sissy maid" below.
Gender dysphoria:
the clinical term applied to people who feel unhappy in their
biological sex
Gender fuck:
when
someone emulates, or partly emulates, the
opposite sex, often to shock others. By partly, I mean they may
appear with one surprising element to their dress: a man
otherwise dressed male who adds (fake) breasts to the
combination; or a woman dressed in regular clothes who packs a
large strap-on in her jeans. Genderfuck has a political element
to it as it is intended to upset standard notions of gender.
Golden Showers:
also known as GS and piss-play. It specifically
means to pee on someone or to be peed on. However, the term is
used generically to describe the spectrum of urine-play,
including ingestion, wetting one's pants (or ordering someone to
wet theirs), and having one's bladder controlled (or doing the
controlling) either through verbal commands or devices which
prevent or cause urination.
Gorean Master:
a
male dominant who adopts the code and style of
life as portrayed by the GOR books of John Norman
Head-play:
also
known as mind-play, mind games, head games, head trips, and
mind-fucking. This means any kind of manipulation by the top
which heightens anticipation and fear in an emotionally
masochistic bottom and thus intensifies the bottom's erotic
response. This includes everything from "verbal abuse" (see
below) to complex scenarios that confuse or surprise the bottom
into deeper "sub-space." A "mind-fuck" (deliberately misleading
a partner into believing something horrible is about to happen)
is the deepest level of this play.
Kajira:
this
fictional term for "slavegirl" derives from the GOR series, and
denotes women who attempt to live by the standard set in the
books.
Kink-Friendly:
this describes someone who, while not necessarily kinky him or
herself, is nonetheless sympathetic and supportive to kinky
people. A "kink-friendly therapist," for example, is someone who
has a permissive view of kinky sex. "Kink-friendly" is also used
to describe businesses which welcome leather people as customers.
Kink-Positive:
something (such as a magazine article) which portrays kinky sex
in a positive light, or someone (like this author) who espouses
positive attitudes towards sexual diversity.
LDR:
the acronym
for "long-distance relationship." It originated on the Internet
as short-hand for couples who form serious relationships with
partners who live far away.
LTR:
the acronym
for "long-term relationship"
Leather Culture:
the united societies of men and women (largely gay and lesbian,
but increasingly open to bisexuals and
heterosexuals) who embrace the traditions, ethics and pride of
open involvement in the leather Scene. This may include (and
isn't limited to): active participation in leather society and
politics, the wearing of black leather, formation of leather
"families," attendance at competitions,
Leather Family:
a
surrogate, adults-only family comprised of lovers, friends, and
sometimes mentors who share compatible sexual interests and
socio-political goals. Leather families share deep, binding, and
sometimes spiritual commitments to one another based on their
joint devotion to all things leather. The famous phrase cited by
lesbian SM activist and scholar, Gayle Rubin, sums it up best:
"leather is thicker than blood."
Leathermen/Leatherwomen:
long
used to refer specifically to gay or lesbian leatherpeople, but
now used more generally to apply to all people committed to
leather culture. (Lesbian leatherwomen may also refer to
themselves as leatherdykes.)
The Lifestyle:
when used with "the," it usually refers to "the leather
lifestyle," meaning people who embrace all aspects of leather
culture in their dress, their sexual politics, their social
commitments, their traditions, and their sex lives. "Being in
the lifestyle" is not the same as "being a lifestyler," because
someone "in the lifestyle" or "in the life" could be single or
otherwise uninvolved in a full-time SM relationship.
Lifestylers:
people who assume their dominant, submissive, top or bottom roles
as a way of life. Lifestyle relationships are role-based, but
not role-play. Many lifestylers are not "in the lifestyle" in
that they do not participate in the organized SM Scene, but
instead conduct their SM relationships in privacy at home. (See
Chapter 7: Role-Playing and Role-Based Relationships)
Limits:
the basic
set of physical or other limits that the bottom sets during
negotiation. For example, if a bottom does not like anything
more painful than erotic spanking, she may set a pain "limit"
that rules out whippings and other intense stimuli. (See chapter
on submissives.) Dominants too have limits on how far
they wish to go with a submissive. (see chapter on dominants for
a complete discussion of this).
- hard limits: the maximum edge of someone's
negotiated limit. In some cases, a hard limit is a personal
choice; in others, it is a necessity to safeguard the
submissive's health. For example, if the submissive is allergic
to latex, any latex product is a "hard limit."
- pushing limits: By consent, submissives agree to let the
dominant push him or her to a limit and slightly beyond. Most
commonly this occurs when the submissive believes his limits stem
from an irrational fear that he hopes the dominant will help him
to overcome.
- respecting limits: A fundamental ethic among kinky
people is to treat limits as a sacred trust, and never to violate
the submissive's trust by non-consensually exceeding their
limits.
- stretching limits: many submissives want to see progress
in their submission and hope to be able to engage in increasingly
more intense sex. When dominants consensually "stretch" limits,
they guide submissives gradually to be able to reach their goal
by pushing their limits. A dominant's limits usually stretch
over time too, usually as the dominant gains increasingly
self-confidence, experience, and skill with equipment.
Master/Mistress:
a master is a male dominant; a mistress is a female dominant.
Masters and Mistresses (as opposed to tops) always have power
exchange relationships with their partners.
Messy:
usually
used in combination with "wet" ("wet and messy"). Refers to a
fetish for being covered, or having one's clothes covered, with
wet, messy substances--typically mud or oil, but can also include
body wastes or gooey foods (honey, chocolate syrup, ice cream,
and so on). "Messy sex" means the people like to get gooey and
get it on.
Mind-games:
See
"Headplay."
Munch:
this term
originated on the Internet, and refers to a group lunch or brunch
at a public restaurant where kinky people can make new
acquaintances or socialize with old friends in a low-key,
pressure-free "vanilla" setting.
Negotiation:
the
art and science of reaching a clear, consensual agreement with
your adult partner about the type of relationship you will have
and the kinds of kinky things you will do together. The
negotiation process lasts as long as the couple needs to hammer
these things out--it could be days, weeks, months or even years.
Couples also may re-negotiate terms periodically as their
relationship evolves and their needs change.
"Negotiating a scene" involves a much
narrower type of
dialogue, in which partners only decide on what they will do
during a scene.
New Guard:
a
recent movement in the Scene which embraces many traditional Old
Guard standards and updates them with some freer-flowing and more
permissive attitudes towards role-playing, lifestyle, and
pansexuality which are more responsive to the needs of younger
people entering the Scene. Sometimes called Next Guard (to
signify the youngest generation of traditional leatherpeople).
Old Guard:
the
nearly mythic, exclusively gay male, loosely organized network of
leather clubs (circa 1940s-1950s) which established the rituals
and mores of leather culture. Old Guard members took a highly
regimented, quasi-militaristic approach to leathersex, and
organized a tight, profoundly interconnected community based on
solidarity in leather diversity.
The Old Guard is frequently seen as a phenomenon of the
older generation (men now in their 60s and 70s) and thus
considered, in some quarters, as outdated. At the same time, it
is held in high reverence by those who stand in awe of the
structure that the Old Guard created and passed on. Indeed, the
Old Guard was a revolutionary movement.
While the Old Guard itself was never
a monolithic group
but a series of clubs and leather families which instituted
individual rules, the Old Guard influence has been profound
within the Scene. Many of today's SM traditions derive from the
Old Guard, from the superficial (leather dress and
types of toys) to the philosophical (standards on what
constitutes a moral SM relationship). Some people view Old Guard
traditions as the only pure model for leathersex.
There are a handful of Old Guard
"tribes" around the
globe (particularly in the US and Europe). Some have opened
their arms to embrace the new, more pansexual SM population into
its ranks. Ironically, the trendiness of kinky sex has caused a
minor resurgence in interest in Old Guard traditions.
Pain Slut:
a heavy
masochist (male or female)
Pain threshold:
the limit at which pain ceases to be pleasure and
becomes undesirable for the submissive or bottom.
Pansexuality:
a
political, philosophical and social movement
within the organized SM/fetish communities which unites kinky
people across orientation lines (i.e., gay, lesbian,
heterosexual, bisexual, and transgendered together). This
movement is fairly young but already gaining widespread
acceptance in North America, although the old traditions of gay-
only or lesbian-only venues and events continue as well.
Politically speaking, pansexuality is a
way of uniting disparate SM/fetish communities into a solid front
which can more effectively fight for kinky civil rights and
better educate the public about the diversity and consensuality
of kinky sex.
A "pansexual" event welcomes people of
all orientations.
"Pansexual play" means that gay and
non-gay alike may engage in
some non-sexual SM acts together, particularly in group settings
(for example, a lesbian or gay man may consent to spank members
of the opposite sex at a party, though neither would sleep with
or otherwise have a romantic relationship with them).
Panty training:
this is when a dominant "forces" a male submissive to wear
panties and other embarrassing bits of feminine lingerie, both to
cross-dress and humiliate him
Percussion play:
an umbrella term used to describe all forms of striking.
Spanking, paddling, slapping, whipping, flogging and caning are
all types of percussion play.
Permanent v. play
piercing:
a permanent piercing refers to the
implantation of body jewelry (such as nipple rings). A play
piercing is a form of radical SM play in which needles or other
piercing implements are temporarily inserted in flesh, either as
part of a ritual (sometimes spiritual) or for the erotic pleasure
of the pain it brings.
Petticoat training or
petticoating: the same as panty training,
but with ruffled slips. (See chapter on Transgenderism.)
Play:
a popular
term for describe kinky encounters. "Players,"
however, usually means lifestylers or people with Scene
experience. "Heavy players" or "hardcore players" are those who
prefer intense SM.
Play-partner:
generally refers to anyone with whom one has BDSM
encounters but more specifically implies a casual, for-kinky-sex
only friendship and not a committed, romantic relationship.
Play-space/playroom:
alternate
term for a dungeon. Any space regularly used for SM scenes.
Ponyboy/ponygirl:
the submissive or bottom in an animal play relationships (see
above)
Power exchange:
the consensual transfer of power by the submissive to the
dominant. The exchange takes place when the returned energy from
the dominant empowers the submissive.
Puppy:
the
submissive or bottom in an animal play relationship (see above)
Pushy (or Greedy)
Sub:
usually used playfully in reference to a
submissive who likes a lot of play, and will act naughty to get
the dominant to take action. It can also be used to refer to
submissives who push so hard that they turn dominants off.
R/T:
acronym for
"real time." Another term which came from the Internet to
distinguish "real" (in the flesh) from on-line/email
relationships.
SAM:
the acronym
for "smart ass masochist;" a bottom or submissive who likes to
verbally tease and otherwise act feisty with a dominant, usually
in hopes of a little extra discipline.
SM:
also written as S/M, S/m, and S&M.; The
abbreviation for
sadomasochism.
Safe, Sane and Consensual (or
Safe, Sane, and Mutually Consensual:
the
fundamental ethical standard of kinky sex. It means that all
activity between adults should be "safe" (no form of pain or
stimulation that causes harm), "sane" (with respect for both body
and mind), and consensual (all partners involved are adults who
are able to give informed consent). First formulated by David
Stein, for GMSMA.
Safe Word:
also
called stop word, stop code, safety code. This is a word or
expression that partners agree upon which gives the bottom the
right to stop the action. A "safe gesture" is used if the
submissive or bottom is gagged or otherwise incapable of
speaking.
Sash queen:
someone who regularly participates in leather contests and wins
awards. This term can be used to poke fun at someone who is
considered vain or as a good-natured joke between friends.
Scat:
also known
as scat-play, refers to excrement. Poop, to put it more plainly.
This may include enemas, brown showers, watching or being watched
while expelling, being ordered to soil one's pants (or ordering
someone), and (yes, I'm afraid so) eating poop.
I must interject a personal comment here.
From time to
time people write me and criticize me for not being more
open-minded about eating poop. After all, I seem perfectly
comfortable with many other extreme types of sex, including ones
that make some of my poop-eating fans faint with horror. Am I
secretly a prude after all?
I will explain. You can't eat poop without
putting
yourself at risk of disease. It is true that some people who do
this don't get sick. Some people who step in front of speeding
cars don't get run over, either.
Human feces (unlike urine) is, by its very
nature,
infested with bacteria. Bacteria is what breaks food down and
turns it into waste in our alimentary canals. Those bacteria
remain alive in our waste after our bodies eliminate it. A
bacterial infection transmitted by ingesting feces can be fatal.
There is no absolute way to protect yourself against getting one.
It is purely luck of the draw, so to speak.
Therefore, to my mind, ingestion, while a
perfectly
acceptable fantasy, can never be acted out with a guarantee of
safety, unlike many seemingly more dangerous types of SM.
My advice: substitute chocolate. They don't
call the
anus "Hershey Highway" for nothing.
Scene:
there are
several definitions for this word. I list them in no particular
order:
a) The Scene (always with a capital S) refers to the
SM/fetish/leather worlds. To "be in the Scene" means that one
participates, even if only nominally, in organized events and
considers oneself a member of this subculture. To be "out in the
Scene" means that you are a known player.
b) a scene (always with a lower-case S) refers to one's
kink or fetish, as in "My scene is feet" (i.e., the person has a
foot fetish).
c) a scene (also with a lower-case S) refers to a time-
limited SM encounter; the synonym of session (see below). "I did
a hot bondage scene with him."
d) to scene: unfortunately for those of us who are
sticklers on grammar, definition (c) of scene has morphed into a
verb. It means "to do SM," as in "I scened with her the other
day" or "I'll be scening with him next week."
Session:
professional dominants refer to their time with a client as a
"session." The term has however spread out into the general
community to refer to any time-limited SM encounter. ("I had a
great session with her at the club last night.")
Sharps:
knives,
razors, or any other instrument objects used (consensually) in
radical SM sex
Sissy:
may also be
called sissy slut. Refers to a submissive male cross-dresser (or
a male submissive who is panty-trained even though he is not
actually a transvestite). A "sissy maid" is a male,
cross-dressed in a maid's uniform, who performs household duties
and otherwise serves his dominant.
Slave:
someone
who has made a commitment to surrender sexual
control to a dominant. In lifestyle slavery, the slave commits
to a total power exchange in which the dominant's power goes
beyond the realm of sex and enters daily affairs.
Slave contract:
a
document written cooperatively by the dominant
and the submissive in which the negotiated terms of their
relationship are set out in clear language. Contracts are
usually term-limited: 3 months, 6 months, a year. Some couples
sign permanent contracts, vowing a lifetime commitment.
Subspace:
the
euphoric, detached state that submissives
experience in service to (or during a scene with) their dominant
Switch:
someone
who switches D&S; roles. It can apply to someone
who switches roles with one partner (sometimes being on top,
sometimes being on bottom); or to someone who switches according
to the natural dynamic between several partners (for example,
someone may be exclusively dominant with one partner
and exclusively submissive with a different partner). Also
includes people who primarily take one role, but will switch on
special occasions or with certain people only.
TPE:
the acronym
for "total power exchange," usually referring to
a lifestyle relationship (see above) in which the submissive
grants the dominant blanket consent to make all decisions, erotic
and otherwise
24/7:
refers to a
lifestyle relationship in which partners are
living together or one in which the power dynamic is a constant
Toilet slave:
someone who has a fetish for serving the
dominant's toilet habits or who has a fetish for being ordered to
clean or worship toilets. May also refer to someone who wishes
to roleplay as a toilet (see chapter on Role-Play and
Relationships)
Top:
person who
gives pain or bondage in an SM scene, but who
may or may not have a power relationship with the bottom. Also
used as a verb ("to top").
Top's Disease:
refers to the clueless attitude some tops or
dominants develop when their egos get so big that they offend and
insult others. One form would be the delusion that being
dominant means one has the right to command all the submissives
one meets. Another is the delusion that the top is infallible.
Toys:
adult toys
and particularly ones used for SM play (both
large-scale and small equipment)
Tranny Chasers:
specifically, the ardent male suitors of male-
to-female cross-dressers and transsexuals. Generically, anyone
with a fetish for transgenderists.
Transgendered/transgenderist:
someone who either enjoys or needs
to express an opposite-sex identity. Biological males who have
female identities are called male-to-female or m-t-f. Biological
females who have male identities are female-to-male or f-t-m.
Transvestite:
also
known as TV or cross-dresser, and sometimes
abbreviated to "X-dresser" in writing. Someone (usually male),
who finds emotional and/or erotic gratification wearing opposite-
sex clothing. Many, but not all, transvestites are aroused by
the clothes and shoes themselves. It is estimated that roughly
2-3% of all men cross-dress. The vast majority of transvestites
are heterosexual males. "Drag queens" are gay men who cross-
dress to seduce other men and "female impersonators" are cabaret
performers. With rare exceptions, neither drag queens nor female
impersonators are aroused by the clothes themselves.
Transsexual:
also
known as TS. Someone who believes s/he was born in the wrong-sex
body, and often seeks to make physical changes. It is estimated
the one out of every 30,000 men and one out of every 100,000
women are transsexual.
A "pre-op transsexual" is someone who has
taken some
steps towards change--hormone therapy, breast implants (for
male-to-female) or removal (for female-to-male), electrolysis,
plastic surgery--but has not yet had "sexual reassignment
surgery" (the medical procedures which alter genitalia).
A "post-op transsexual" is someone who
has completed the
process by undergoing surgery to change her or his sex and, from
then on, lives as a full-fledged member of the opposite sex.
Some transsexuals do not want sexual
reassignment surgery
and instead opt to live as hermaphrodites, with the secondary
characteristics of both sexes. The slang--but not necessarily
flattering--terms for male-to-female hermaphrodites are "chicks
with dicks" and "she-males."
Vanilla:
a
non-kinky person. It can apply to any heterosexual or homosexual
who does not care for kinky sex. There are two differing roots
for this term: some claim it refers to the plainness of "vanilla
ice cream" (as opposed to those who like more adventurous
flavors). Others believe it comes from techno- culture, where a
"vanilla" PC means a very basic machine, without bells and
whistles.
Verbal Abuse:
also
known as "VA," this refers to the cruel or mocking insults and
threats that a sadistic top will shower on an emotionally
masochistic bottom to push him or her further into sub-space. It
is the linguistic and emotional (as opposed to physical) version
of pain-play.
Water Sports:
a
general category which includes golden showers, enemas, and other
erotic interactions involving body waste.
WIITWD (acronym for "What It Is
That We Do"):
this term was spawned on the Internet,
where it gained popularity as the best single way to refer
nonjudgmentally to the wide variety of ways people do kinky
sex.
The glossary above was excerpted from
COME HITHER
A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex
(Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 2000)
U.S. $13. Available at all bookstores
Reproduction or distribution is strictly
prohibited.
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copyright © 1998-2000
Dr. Gloria G. Brame
All Rights Reserved