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Archivist: Ketzele, devoted slave of Will Brame
The use of fear in a BDSM relationship seems to intrigue me. It occurred to me, that many of the forms of "play", tend to contain some sort of fear tactic with in them. Over the years, I have read everything I can get my hands on, about it. Seems we all have these things called endorphins in us, that cause reactions with in our bodies.
Controlled fear, (and I stress the word control) is something that I have found that I get off on. I get this wild tremendous rush from it. This fear takes me to places that I can not seem to reach by any other *normal* means.
This is not the same feeling as I get, say for example; I am driving down 285, here in Atlanta. Itís raining, my car hydroplanes, and out of control. I do several 360ís and find myself facing *the wall*. That fear, is where I have almost peed on myself, had a heart attack, and begin to cry. (Been there, done that) No thanks, donít like that kind of fear one bit.
What I have come to believe in, is that there are two basic kinds of fear endorphins. You have those ones that cause you to either get wet, or have an erection. (Iíll label those the Pleasure endorphins) Then you have those that cause visions of your life to flash in front of your eyes. (Iíll label those the Pure Fear endorphins)
The one I want to focus on is the Pleasure endorphins. Those to me, seem like the *fun* ones. These are the ones that I would like to experience every chance I get too.
The sub topics that follow, are different forms of play, that I perceive to cause the Pleasure endorphins. What are some of the ones that you think cause you to release these Pleasure ones?
1. Sensory Deprivation:
Sensory deprivation, seems to be many people's favorite when it comes to fear play. The use of blindfolds, bondage, even ear plugs and something that can inhibit the sense of smell, are all things that can be used to induce controlled fear. You can use one, two or all to enhance the feeling of helplessness.
From a submissive perspective, perhaps: Can't see it coming, can't hear it, can't smell it, can't stop it. (Yeah right, like I would try?) OOooooooo god, do the endorphins ever kick in then! (I state this, for I have experienced this) Add a well placed crop swat, and seeeeeeeeeeeee ya!
From a Dominant perspective, perhaps: Power. Control of the senses equate to power over submissive. (Had to ask about this, cause I have no desire to experience it)
Any other thoughts on why these feeling occur, for either side?
2.) Breath Play:
Breath play, sort of a spooky subject. Regardless if you enjoy doing it, (from whatever side) it is among those on the top of a safety list. Something that I would hope that everyone reads up on, if contemplating precipitating in. Its a definitely a life or death issue, wouldn't you think? Not one of those *play* things I would do with anyone but Chass.
I like breath play canít really tell you why, other than perhaps two reasons. One being the fear factor, which is something, I receive. The other is being the trust factor, which I give back to Chass.
I can pretty much remember when the subject of breath play started to intrigue me. I was sitting in a cs (CompuServe) chat room (channel 10, the D/s room, back when you could still learn things, which was years ago). One of the very few I had any respect for (in cyberia or in real time), began to approach the subject as a topic for chatting about. He and his submissive at the time, shared their experiences and thoughts on it. Well, when this chat was completed, Crickett was off the computer, and then continued the topic on the phone with the both of them. The passion that they both displayed, coupled with concerns both shared, and then me reading everything I could get my computer to find, tweaked that natural curiosity that resides with in me.
This curiosity was to lay dormant for several years. For two reasons
The one person that I did trust in the fashion needed to perform this,
was someone several 1000ís of miles away from me, and in my own local
area there wasn't any one worth a hoot to trust in the first place. (As
I am sure you can gather by now, I am not one of those casual play
folks, its a hell of a lot more to me, than just satisfying my horny
hormones or to gain *bragging* rights by performing with just any one)
This was something special, and I needed to wait.
When I (can only tell you my side, for I am not him) finally figured out, that he was the one. We went over the checklist, that so many wonderful sites have, dealing with compatibility and limits. Through this, I was able to communicate my curiosity about breath play to him. (One of the ways that helped us to learn the many things about each otherís kinks)
I remember him looking at different web sites concerning information he knew that he needed. (I think this was something new to him) I knew I had placed my trust in the right one. The questions he poised to me, the articles he shared with me, the list of degrees of this play he shared with me, confirmed my trust.
Each time we perform this, it is new. He controls my fear in the process. We perhaps are not very versed in it, but we are taking it at our own pace, one that we feel comfortable as a couple doing.
The variations of this sort of play are numerous, and in my own desire to learn more, I ask you folks for any forms of this play you may have thoughts on, or have experienced.
I understand that each has their own threshold for fear, much like for pain. I was just curious as to the other forms of this "play" that people use.
endorphins light up the mind.
whatever the causative source emotion, keeping them active lets us know who we are, and that we are alive.
my "long form" answer to your question is already on the literary board, where Dr. Gloria let me post a short story some time ago.
(and as i have no thresholds left for experiencing any emotion, my Master delights in taking me anywhere and everywhere She pleases, whenever She pleases. that kind of an absolute only works because of my other limitations. i do feel very happy that you are exploring, learning, and finding yourself......)
when all of it becomes a natural way of life, then it may really feel like the doors to universe have opened - just when you didn't believe there were any more doors left...
Breath play is chancy, at best. Never do anything the throat. It's very fragile. A little breath play can be done if you have a nice pair of leather gloves. If someone is naturally very excited during sex, and you're wearing the gloves, you can put a hand over the person's mouth (BUT NEVER OVER THEIR NOSE!). This way, they are forced to breathe through their nose. This reduces the amount of air they can get, and (if they have a leather fetish) gives them the smell of leather.
FYI, have you read Kathyrn Passig's critique of come of Wiseman's comments on breath-control?
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