I know this sounds cliche, but I believe that because of our puritanical culture and society, that women are still not allowed to come into their own sexually. In some ways, the United States is more patriarchal, than puritanical.

It seems that every expert, every authority in the field of fetishes state that women with fetishes is extremely rare. I here everything from little girls have no way to gauge arousal from a possible object of fetish, as opposed to boys, who's arousal is easily detected by them, to biological differences in their psychological make up.

I just don't buy it, I just don't. I believe women are shamed, even more so, than men, into believing that anything outside the norm, that society dictates, must be suppressed.

All my life I've felt like a freak. Then I discovered my fetish on the Internet. Guess what? It made me feel even more isolated and "abnormal." I have a foot fetish. Not foot play with other women, for men to enjoy, but a fetish for men's feet.

When I found the male foot fetish sites, literally hundreds, and growing every minute, they are all gay oriented, God bless them. The problem: they shun me, flame me, accuse me of being a man, hurl the most profane comments my way.

I enjoy watching men together sexually, to a certain degree, but the "manner" that foot fetishes seem to manifest in men, gay or straight, don't jive with my fetish, it seems foreign, and not a turn-on at all for me. The few encounters I attempted to embark upon regarding my foot fetish with boyfriends were absolute disasters. I guess "freak" came to mind for them, and I never heard from them again.

Is there any group of women, men, out there in this wonderful world of BDSM, fetishism that would accept me, share my fetish? As much Internet surfing that I've done over the years, I'm such a newbie when it comes to this wonderful world. I'm a straight, submissive female, with a foot fetish. How uncommon can that be? LOL!

I look forward to getting feedback and look forward to chatting with people interested in fetishes in women...Thanks!

Hello, actually I have the same problem with my fetish for vaginal fisting. Mostly it is for gay men or women. I have found relatively few places that discuss or share this activity/fetish and the ones that I have are fairly good, but mostly into the visual photos etc and large object photos - its more for the male physique for visual gratification and not discussing women's point of view on what it means to them. I described in my poem on the kinky poetry contest what it means to me in connection with BDSM and my D/s relationship. Its hidden meaning but right there for you to feel/read.

I have the books, and understand the concepts, the emotional meaning hasn't been explained nor shared by anything I have found as of yet. Frustrating, since I feel it is a lonely fetish except in certain circles, gay women dont want to talk with me since I am bi (a traitor by most) and men just all want to do it to me, go figure, yeah right, thats not something done without total trust.

Love Kate

From: Thorn4MyRose
To: Ellen

<< Is there any group of women, men, out there in this wonderful world of BDSM, fetishism that would accept me >>

Here we are. :-)

I have to say that I think trying to 'genderize' the issue is a waste. The point is YOU have a foot fetish (great fetish, by the way). :-) Why does it matter that you're a woman? What does the fetish tendencies (or lack thereof) of any specific segment of a gender population have to do with YOUR desires? Ya know? Just find the someone who balances your desire and enjoy. ;-)

Personally, I like to think that if out of 1000 people, 999 people like regular m&ms, and I'm the only one that likes the kinky kind with the crispies in 'em, that just means there's more kinky m&ms for me. :-) If I feel like I want to share some with someone, all that means is I have to find the ONE out of the NEXT 1000 people who likes them too. (And there's ALWAYS someone out there just dying to share.) The other 1998?? Well, they will just NEVER know what they're missin'. <g>

Be safe,
T.

Ellen

"I just don't buy it, I just don't. I believe women are shamed, even more so, than men, into believing that anything outside the norm, that society dictates, must be suppressed."

I could not agree more. Having said that ..... I can not help you with "Are there others" but I am sure that someone here can.

I know about feel like a freak as do many here. If nothing else Ellen, we can all be "freaky" together. I am not in any way making light of how you feel, the frustration that I am sure has haunted you, or your honest quest to find your place.

I am only saying that you have found a very accepting and loving place to visit as you continue your search.

No one here will EVER flame you ... use profanity against you, nor be disrespectful in any way ..... cause if they try ...... they will not only have "G" to deal with. but the rest of us.

So please ELLEN, join us.

Storm

oops ELLEN .... I forgot to say WELCOME TO THE BOARD<smiling>

Ellen,

Not to plug my own book (gazing ingenuously at banner on top of page <g>)....but I talk about fetishism at some length in Come Hither, and dispute many popular theories, including the one that fetishes are unique to men.

Here is an excerpt specific to your concerns:

"Another theory that's never been scientifically validated, and which is contradicted by anecdotal information, is that "true" fetishists are all men. Most contemporary studies have relied on male subjects, although case studies dating back to the nineteenth century have chronicled female fetishists. I believe that the reason we think of only men as fetishists is because of the ongoing Victorian bias in the psychiatric community that men are more sexually driven than women and therefore more likely to be sexually perverse. Because of this assumption, women may not be asked the kinds of questions about their sexuality that would yield reliable data on their fetishes.

"Indeed, many women probably don't realize that their intense erotic fascinations with objects or devites (whether it's a fur, a blanket, shoes, or a sex toy) meet the clinicatl definition of fetishism. This may explain why men make up the larger part of the clinical drift (the people who drift into therapists' offices)...." (from pages 150-151 in Come Hither)

I also go on to talk about a female shoe fetishist....

Remember: no one's ever alone in their sexual desires. You can always count on there being others out there who share the interest, no matter how hard it may be to connect with them, especially early on.

best,

Glory

Wow, I posted my message in the wee hours of the morning, feeling kind of low, check back this afternoon, lo and behold....kindred spirits! Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

Gloria, I purchased your book, Different Loving, from my local B&N, while scanning up and down the isles, hoping no one would notice me perusing the "naughty" sections! I especially related to the "Depersonalization" section: The woman who enjoyed being a footstool for her master. I think at that time, I realized there was so much more to my sexuality than having a foot fetish: I knew, in my own mind, not to label, or limit myself, that I was a sexually submissive female.

I feel like I'm on this incredible road of self-discovery, with all of these wonderful vistas and horizons opening up and unfolding in front of me. Oh how I looked upon men and women in utter amazement and wonder when they described themselves that way!

When I read Doug Gaines story, my first reaction was intense arousal! When I read your book, I didn't have access to the Internet, so this was a real revelation for me! When I did some research into his Foot Fraternity, I found out it was open to all foot/uniform fetishes, to all genders.
There were men, usually with female foot fetishes of their own, seeking women with MALE foot fetishes! These men were just as perplexed and bewildered why it was so difficult to find women with a male foot fetish! It was much more common to find women, without the fetish itself, who were willing to dominate these men, feet, stockings, stilettos, etc., included.
I admit, I was scared, really scared to contact these men: I felt like I was embarking on untread territory and I didn't feel like becoming the Amelia Earhart of foot fetishes!

Right now I just want to talk, talk, talk, my little head off! When I first visited your web site, Gloria, before your book Come Hither, which I only learned about last night while perusing the site, which has really piqued my interest(Guess what I'll be picking up very soon at my local B&N?! No more checking over my shoulder at the "naughty" section these days!)I felt that I "wasn't" allowed to express how I really felt, what really turned me on.
I realize now, that a lot of those restraints, outside of the ones society and our culture place on us, were restrictions of my own making.

I'm still not ready to embark upon a serious relationship with anyone right now. I'm savoring basking in the luxury of self-discovery: Something that society once, and still does to a certain extent, says is only reserved for the very vain, the very rich, the very selfish, the very wasteful and deconstructive. To which I say, poppycock!

Thanks everyone, I'm really looking forward to sharing, and hearing about how others fetishes, sexual likes and dislikes originated. There's something very cathartic, and very erotic, about discussing that topic. It feels great to be able to talk about it so openly without fear of someone passing judgment.

PS:
Thorn4MyRose, most of the time I feel like a nut:) and usually go for the Almond Joy any day over the plain 'ol boring Mounds!

I think that is the most important thing I've come to learn, my desire to "play" and explore my sexuality, my fetishes vs. the need to play it cool and safe!

I'm going to remain celibate for the time being while I learn about this world, the "Velvet Underground," as I like to call it!

I wanted to discuss origins of the fetishes, the matrix that formed all of our sexual sides, which encompasses, I believe the entirety of our beings. How can we ignore one of the most important aspects of ourselves? That's what this journey of self-discovery has been for me: To never, never apologize, or repress who I am, or what I am.

When I was a little girl, one of my earliest memories of sexual arousal that I can recall, happened with some innocent play by a man. He was in his socked feet and he had me sit on his feet while he held my hands. He raised me up and down, up and down: The utter and complete feeling of helplessness, because he held my hands, and the direct stimulation my genitals were receiving from the pressure of his feet was overwhelming, intoxicating. I remember the comforting smell of the leather and warmth emanating from his feet, his muscular legs, knees pressed against my belly and chest. I swear I orgasmed. I wanted this feeling, this moment to last forever. I was mesmerized by what I was experiencing, and wanted it to continue. I know what happened now, in retrospect. All from an innocent game of "Horsey" by a man who's intentions were pure in nature. I'm certain that there was not one iota of intended sexuality on his part in the game we played.

Another favorite game was "Superman Rides." A man would lie on his back, place his feet on my lower belly, hold my hands and hoist me in the air: Up and down, up and down. Oh god, I remember quivering to my core, and loving every minute of it.....It was heady, heady stuff indeed for a little girl.

<<"thats not something done without total trust">>

Oh, Kate, how that struck a chord of recognition in me!

How many times I've jumped the gun, so to speak, in anxious anticipation to finally explore my fetish with men, that now, I wouldn't even get on a damned elevator with! The absolutely vital need for mutual trust is essential when engaging in a most intimate of sexual acts, whatever that might be for you, or for me.

God, how I can relate to the feelings of isolation: A lot of gay men with a fetish for men's feet detested and resented my presence on their boards. Yet, there were actually far more gay men that accepted me and were very sweet. But the erotica, the photographs, the images did absolutely nothing for me. The male foot fetish experiences they described seemed foreign to me, I felt detached, because in my heart, I knew I was trying to force this square peg where it couldn't possibly fit!

We're going to do fine, Kate, just fine!

Love Ellen

From: Thorn4MyRose
To: Ellen

Great story. :-) Frankly, I think you're exceptionally lucky to be able to so precisely pinpoint the moment you became so vividly aware of this. Additionally, it's a tribute to you that you were able to see the complete innocence of the event and draw such a positive direction from it.

In discussing the 'origins and matrix' as you put it, and bearing in mind that Dr. Brame's advice about past studies hits a precision bullseye in that they neglect to represent the true population in many cases, I wonder what YOU see as the formative process? Any thoughts on aspects of fetish development that you believe are universal? (Brainstorm some opinions and see what flies.) :-)

Be safe,
T.

Nothing wrong with women having a fetish. Most have them, they just don't think of them as fetishes.
Often they are the comon things regarding the physicallity of their partner: hair color, eye color, facial hair. Or fetishes for the modes of dress in thei
partner: business suits vrs. t-shirt and jeans. I know of one woman who always seems to end up with men who have foreign accents. I doubt if she thinks this is a fetish, but it's a common one.

Nightheron

Hi Ellen-
  Welcome to our diversified and happy little group!
Women have always made a big deal about my hands, and I never though twice. Hands? Feet? What's the diff? Social conventions say one body part is sexual and another isn't- who says? who cares? Go with it!
Plus, while not being big into feet myself, there was a lover in my past who I thought had gorgeous feet and who loved having her feet rubbed, toes sucked, etc.
Anyway, after you read through this board, I think you will feel right at home- if not tame. I thought I was on the fringe until I read more, and realize in some ways I am just a middle of the road sort of perv. And I am clearly biased, but I think as a whole we are a nice sort of group who are intense in what we do and who know what makes us tick.
  Like Glory says in her book (what was that title now- "Candid interviews with W about 1000 uses for the bullwhip in everyday Texas life"?), get over your own feelings of discomfort with who you are and what you like as best you can, and you will find folks soon enough not only willing to accept you the way you are, butwho relish your uniqueness.
  Good luck Ellen, and have a great weekend board folks! -Play well W

Thank you Winston:

It is amazing what society accepts as acceptable or not: Are men that love women's breasts referred to as freaks? Are they labeled, "Oh there's that weird guy with the boob fetish!" LOL! From what I've seen, it seems much more common, and acceptable, for a man to have a female foot fetish, and gay men to have a male foot fetish, but a woman with a fetish for men's foot? This is new territory, for me, anyway, and I'm very excited about exploring this and look forward to hearing what our "community" has to share about it...

I do love men's hands as well, but it's not a "fetish"! Believe me, I know the difference! When a man takes his shoes off in public, or any other setting, my pulse rate increases, my heart races, I get weak in the knees: I'm just plain aroused, big time! I want to get down on my hands and knees and worship his feet. Nothing "freaky" about that! :-)

I guess I'm really curious, from a man's point of view, how would you feel, if a woman wanted to play with your feet, worship them, etc?
I'm so sexually submissive, I guess that plays some role in the arousal of foot worship. But what I'm getting at, in a "vanilla(what does that mean exactly?!)" relationship, can a woman enjoy her man's feet, without a man having a negative reaction....?

I think the bottom line is, for me, is that I LOVE my fetish, and the few negative reactions from boyfriends, etc. that I've received, have no meaning or bearing on my existence. If a man started to worship my feet, I'd be a little disconcerted too! Of course I worked my way up to the eroticism of foot massage, etc., but when the man realized it was more than foreplay, that it was leading up to a sexual act itself, then the shock ensued! I can actually laugh about it, then and now! These weren't men I was serious about, and there in may lie the problem, at least for me: As I mentioned in an earlier post, mutual trust is absolutely essential.

When we are very young and realize that we have unique and wonderful sexual needs, desires, wants, outside the norm of society, we don't run and tell our parents about it! But what about the boy or girl, that realizes that he or she is gay? Transgendered? If you can't tell your parents about such an important, relevant part of your being, your existence, who can you tell? The parallel I'm trying to draw: If you can't tell your sex partner what you like, then maybe you should only become serious with someone that will accept you, and you them, to avoid a lot of pain and hurt along the way.

Just a thought....

Love to everyone,

Ellen

Hi Gloria,

Most likely, billions of children have received "Horsey" rides from their parents, adults, throughout history: Why would a small few, like myself, develop a foot fetish from it, while many, many more won't?
I know we're dealing with many factors, and many unknowns, but what are your thoughts on this..?

Remembering early experiences after reading Ellens post above...I remember at a very early age, probably 5 laying on the floor watching bozo the clown, my foster mom sitting on couch (this was in the early 60's) and she would sit with her legs slightly open while knitting...I would glance (more like gawk) under the coffee table and twist in a weird shape to look at her panties, I also remember at much later age around 14 or so sitting at the dinner table way after dinner was over pretending to be reading a school book to look under my adopted moms dress while she had her nightly loooooong talk with her sister. Now, I have a very large collection of panties - I have enough panties and they sure aren't the white cotton variety to fill 2 drawers in my dresser - I can go a looong time without doing laundry if that is all I wore...now tell me that doesn't have a connection? I love panties like some women love shoes, they are not as expensive either!

You know Thorn4MyRose, you bring up a very interesting point: What universal, common factor, if any, lead to the development of fetishes?

Only in the past few years have I discovered the parallel between my foot fetish, and my sexually submissive nature. When I peruse the foot fetish boards, gay, straight, bi, etc., there is no correlation between submissive behavior and the foot fetish, although a great number of the men, gay or straight, enjoy "worshiping" the foot, submitting sexually, being dominated by the owner of the foot.

But I digress, for a reason, though. I have one theory, as I layperson, that I've picked up in my research(It's hard to call it "research" when it's been so fun!) It seems that very high levels of testosterone are produced in both boys and girls, at around the age of 2, or so. I would think that would make those children ripe for the possibility to develop a fetish of any possible conceivable variety, depending on the right time, what they're doing, who they are with and when the hormones spike!

Of course my theory gets blown out of the water when the majority of children grow up without a fetish of any sort. Yet, how many adults DO have fetishes, "kinky" desires, but are reticent to admit it to themselves or others, for fear of shame and/or any other variety of reasons? It's just like the percentage of individuals that admit to being gay or bi: I bet it's much higher than the surveys show!

On the other, hand, maybe fetishes have something to do with genetics? Yuck! I'll leave that to Gloria to research! :-)

I do know that, at around the same time I developed my foot fetish, men and boys that had contact with me, would "rough house" with me: Why males were playing rough with a little girl, THIS little girl, will be a topic for another discussion! I became very aroused when they'd hold me down, put their hands over my mouth. The harder, firmer they held me down and clamped my mouth shut, the more sexually aroused I became.

From: Thorn4MyRose
To: Ellen

Interesting suppositions. :-) And your 'research' does indeed have a bearing...on explaining the 'terrible twos' that is. <g> But that's about it.

Ok. The 'universals' in fetishes are few and far between because the variables in neuropsychological development are so specific to each individual. How one interprets anything in their youth, and the subsequent impact(s) on their adult psyche, are often the result of many things that few could ever completely put their fingers on. Everything from 'the biggies' such as genetics, socialization, media-exposure, and environment all the way through such minutia as what sort of cookies were commonly available around the kitchen play a part in the things we, as adults, lock in as personality traits (our 'hard wiring').

The reason why so few scientific studies on fetish development exist is simply because for such a study to be valid, it would have to be longitudinal over a very extended period of time (possibly 25-40 years -- and from birth, no less. It's rather unrealistic to observe subjects to such a high degree of detail for that period of time). There are certainly some exceptional pieces out there on 'histories' of fetishes and a plethora of information on treatments for those who become so obsessed that they develop compulsive disorders, but most works on individual fetish 'causes' are interpretive at best.

My personal view is that unlocking the complete dynamic of individual memory structuralization (a science which is really still in its infancy) will probably go a long way towards identifying fetish causes. But, until then, as I'm so fond of saying, "Why ask why? Just enjoy."

Be safe,
T.

Ellen

Trust me on this: men will never have a problem with you having a fetish for men's feet. Most men, once you reveal you have a fetish for ANY part of their body will become incredibly turned on. Men spend so much of their time pursuing women that if they find a woman who finds even PART of them atractive they will be both relieved and excited. I can also tell you that if you take a man's foot between your thighs and start masturbating with it you'll really make some guy's week.

Nightheron

Nightheron,

I believe most men are extremely visual creatures, women love stimulation - I can be visual, but need the "touch" to get "there" - men dont - I love that about a man, he "sees" it and it "happens" in a strange sort of way. I was watching a silly flick with robin williams last night, he was dead, but the world he lived in was if you "see it in your mind" it is there, I would be in tons of trouble and M said last night, oh yeah, so would I (smile)

<<if you take a man's foot between your thighs and start masturbating with it you'll really make some guy's week. >>

Well, there's something I've never done (surprise!)...but boy does it sound HOT!!!

I love using my feet to toy with men's genitals and, obviously, the ones who have foot fetishes go wild for it.

<<if you take a man's foot between your thighs and start masturbating with it you'll really make some guy's week. >>

Wow, that's what I like about men, they just SAY it! That really made me all hot and bothered: Yummm!
Thanks, nightheron2!

I have a fantasy of going down on a man while he gets me off with his feet: I've seen it in a porn movie, looked hot.

Gloria, please report back with the results: Please! :-)

Ellen, I've gotten a woman off with my feet. Or rather, one foot, without a shoe on. It was one of the most amazing sexual experiences of my life. At one point during a very fun evening, she was sitting on the floor against a bookcase with her hips thrust forward and her legs spread, and I was sitting on a low chair. We were going to watch each other masturbate, but instead I put my foot on her vulva and my big toe on her clit and wiggled it back and forth, but here's where it gets *really* interesting -- somehow, between my sitting position and my efforts to wiggle my foot, I got a nerve spasm in my leg and my foot started shaking very, very fast. I wasn't deliberately trying to shake that fast and I couldn't control it, nor could I start the spasm intentionally. It was just a lucky freak accident and she just lost it! She later said it was one of her best orgasms ever.

I have done that a few times, he liked it, it felt a little odd since his feet were a little on the cold side but they warmed up nicely eventually. I kinda like hands better anyway, but think I have said that a few times already. Umm...kind of like using my nipples across his body, or tongue, its sex without touching genital to genital contact

Ellen,

Over the years, some of my submissive partners have had foot fetishes (to varying degrees). But whether or not they did, I have one. Not quite as intense as yours, perhaps, but I do love footplay of all types, including putting men in painful shoes, tickling and (with my last slave, who loved hard rough torturous terrorizing play) something called "bastinado," which is when you beat the tender soles of the feet. He could take heavy canings to his ass, but needless to say a few strokes to the soles of his feet sent him right into the agony zone. Very effective! VERY sexy! (If you're the type who likes to hear screams...and I am.)

I wouldn't call it a fetish, exactly, but I do have a taste for stepping on, lightly trampling/kicking submissive men, and doing a little ballcrushing while I'm at it (she said, smiling sweetly). :-)

On the more sensual side...putting a mind in rigid inescapable bondage, and then playing aggressive footsie with his balls and cock is a real turn-on. I have rather small, nimble feet, too: I can curl them around a good-sized dick and jerk it off fairly well.

Ah, we dominatrices! So many perversions...SO LITTLE TIME!

Glory

<<I have rather small, nimble feet, too: I can curl them around a good-sized dick and jerk it off fairly well.>>
You must be quite dextrous!

Gloria, you make it seem so wickedly delightful to be a dominatrix: It could be fun, couldn't it? You should know.... :-)

Here's a few, of the many, many things I've found on footplay on the 'net:

Alex Comfort in his 1972 book, The Joy of Sex, wrote, "The pad of the big toe applied to the clitoris or the vulva is a magnificenterotic instrument . . . Use the toe in mammary or armpit intercourse."

Now, this was supposedly coming from a man who had lost four fingers in an accident with a firecracker as a small child. Hmmmmmm....?

I love this passage about stimulating a woman under a restaurant table with the big toe while all four hands are on the table, a practice that will "keep her in almost continuous orgasm."

I found this listed as a reference for a research text, Brissett, Dennis and Lionel S. Lewis. 1979. "The Big Toe, Armpits, and Natural Perfume: Notes on the Production of Sexual Ecstasy." Society 16:63-73.

Here's a link to a book that has a foot fetish reference, in a way, http://www.raintaxi.com/sedgwick.html
:even erotic daydreams involving her therapist ("fantasy about taking [his] socked foot and masturbating with it").

I've seen this tip: Give your partner a foot bath, massage his feet with a favorite oil, and then insert his big toe...making certain the toe-nails are neatly trimmed, of course!

I'd love to feel the toes, balls, soles, heels, of a man's feet, after being oiled, all over my body, my breasts, tweaking my nipples with his toes, my belly, my navel, my neck, inner thighs and then on to 'me naughty bits! Wow, I'm really making myself hot....!!!

That sounds really hot!
Did you get a feeling of power over her, that was, let's say, different from having her in bondage?

That's what it's about for me: The humiliation of being got off by a man's foot, the power he's exerting over me, the control, to look up into his eyes, from my place below him, while he delights in the ecstasy he's allowing me to experience at his feet, by his feet...!

Yeah, Ellen, I did get a feeling of power over her. She was the only GF with whom I've gotten into BDSM stuff, so although we didn't talk about it, I think she was getting off on my power as well. What really got to me was, as you said, seeing her totally giving herself over to sexual ecstacy. I've never seen someone lose themselves so completely to it. Every once in a while she'd open her eyes and glance at me with a look that said "I can't believe you're doing this to me. This is *hot*!"

Foot fetishes are OK, but give me a nude Brunette (or bottle blond, preferably Jewish) wearing a strap-on and I am in Heaven. By the way to all of you fine dominatrixies, may I recommend "Regiment of Women" by Thomas Berger--which is great for gender play fanatics like me!
The Domme's that I know and worship love trampling, but not before I lubricate each of their toes with my saliva.
But even "vanilla" women like a little foot worship and laugh mischeviously when they surprise me with a silent but deadly fart when I sixty-nine them.
So I guess I would have to vote a big "yes" that women and fetish stuff have more more in common than one would think.

Ellen,

There is a new comedy coming out called "Say it Isn't So". In the commercials, there is a shot of Heather Graham lovingly sucking on a man's toes.
Maybe female foot fetishism is going mainstream.

Nightheron

Sounds hot, nightheron2! Maybe I'll test the waters again and bring a date to see the film: I'll offer him a foot massage afterwards and who knows...!