SIREN'S SOAPBOX
March 24 - May 25, 2020
all material copyright © 1998-2000
dr. gloria g. brame
SIREN'S SOAPBOX
March 24 - May 25, 2020
all material copyright © 1998-2000
dr. gloria g. brame
Those of us who haven't been them have certainly met them.
It's hard not to notice them. They act so haughtily self- important. They often wear a dour expression and insulate themselves with a small coterie of worshipful hangers-on. Their dress quite often is impressive: all the best gear worn in all the right places. By their very manner, they advertise the superiority and vast experience that have made them the titans of today's SM world.
Who are they?
Let me put it as bluntly as possible: nine times out of ten, they are con artists.
I was talking to my good friends the Emperor, the Goddess, the Duchess and the Lord the other day. (Sounds rather like the title of a bad Peter Greenaway movie, doesn't it?)
What?! You don't know the Emperor, the Goddess, or any of the myriad of European nobility who have graced the Scene with their near-divine presences? How can it be? Are you sure you're a real sadomasochist? I don't think one can be a sadomasochist anymore unless one self-anoints oneself with some utterly fabulous title recently plucked from one's royal arse.
Ladies and gentlemen: beware the titled classes! Take special heed of the Leather household deities! They have spent too much time reading Harlequin romances and not enough breathing oxygen.
I was trained in the Brooklyn tradition. I'm sure you've heard about the infamous dens of perversion that once flowered in the dark corners of Brooklyn--itself a notorious hotbed of libertinism throughout the 18th and 19th centuries. Unbeknownst to the public, a secret cult of sadomasochists has carried on the tradition from our ancestors and I am fully trained in its mysteries and rituals. My mentor was High Arch-Duck Guido, Lord of Flatbush. You've never heard of him because he is so old now that he never leaves the dungeon where dozens of slaves attend his every whim. Besides no one but myself and a handful of my Brooklyn brothers and sisters (naturally, I can't reveal names or addresses) even know about High Guido. We are sworn to secrecy because, in real life, High Guido is a very famous guy. Of course, I can't tell you what he's famous for or you'd know who he is. However, rest assured that he is famous. Really. Everyone knows him. Your mother probably knows him. Even Bill Clinton knows him. That's all I can say for now.
You ought to create a tradition for yourself sometime. God knows it's easy enough to do, particularly if the members, leaders, and club location can never be verified by anyone else. Once you've created your tradition, all you need to do is find a novice who believes in fairytales (as, apparently, most novices do), and you're all set. Now you can train THEM in this tradition you created. Once that happens, voila! An ipso facto tradition. And you did it all yourself. Cool, huh?
By the way, if you're from Ohio, and looking for a more romantic tradition, I hear Slovenia is available.
My husband Will, an archaeologist, used to speak of launching an expedition to find what he called "The Great Submissive Graveyard."
"A whole lot of dominants claim to have had slaves who up and died on them. They gotta be planted somewhere," he sourly noted in response to repeatedly hearing nearly identical stories from self-proclaimed lifelong lifestylers of whom no one had ever heard. Today we must also search for "The Great Dominant Graveyard," as so many subs now claim to have been extensively trained by dominants who molder in unmarked graves as well.
Or, to paraphrase the child in Sixth Sense: "They see dead people. All the time."
Imaginary friends are a lovely touch when inventing your own tradition.
There are people in the Scene who deserve to be called by the titles they use. There are people who, indeed, are part of clubs and leatherfamilies that have protocols. And there are far, far too many of us who have lost friends and lovers to tragic diseases and circumstances. But for the most part, those people do not rub your nose in it, much less try to convince you that you should hold them in awe.
In my experience, the most serious and realest people out there are humble. Because they respect the titles they have earned, they do not flaunt them or use them to cow clueless newbies. They have friends who vouch for them, leatherfamilies who support them, and traditions which have been recorded (and probably catalogued at the Leather Archives).
The next time someone tells you about their anonymous friends, their unknown and unverifiable traditions, not to mention their personal relationships with the Tsar, ask them for personal references. If they can't provide any, please tell them to pack up their imaginary friends and go home. Otherwise that "happily ever after" you're hoping for is likely to turn into a truly grim fairytale.
Sex and Spirituality Chat
Topic: Valuing Women's
Sexuality
When: Sunday, May 28, 8 pm et
Where: Sex
and Spirituality Chatroom
Women unite--and speak your minds! Will we finally push our way out of second-class status in the 21st century? Will we lead the way to a better world? Or will churches and society keep telling us that we don't matter as much as men?
KINKY COMMERCE
was updated on May 25 with 20 new links
Some years back, I was asked to provide a blurb for a book on SM by an aspiring author. Unfortunately, after reading it, I couldn't endorse the book: it contained numerous factual errors and espoused opinions with which I strongly disagreed. One particular passage of the book stuck with me. The author, who advertised as an experienced dominant, claimed that it was normal after scenes for the submissive to cry, become withdrawn, act out, and display other negative behaviors.
I've been haunted by that passage ever since. In my experience, submissives do NOT behave that way after SM. Yes, I've seen plenty of tears: usually from pain, often tears of relief, tears which sometimes barely disguised secret smiles. And yes, from time to time we all step on landmines or inadvertently dredge up someone's ghosts. The tears that come then are real and anguished and it's up to a dom to find a path through those rough moments.
Still, what is the point of doing SM if not for the sake of personal happiness? I mean a thorough-going happiness, not some crumb of pleasure thrown to you that you must nurture and cherish because crumbs are all you ever get. You should have a feeling that you are where you belong, with someone you feel secure with, and that your personal life is on the right track. Happiness must apply equally to bottom and top: a relationship in which the dominant feels good and the submissive is often sad (or vice versa) is, in plain English, fucked up. A BDSM partnership is either a team effort or it's an immature game.
The book has been on my mind lately because of the depressing number of emails I'm getting from people in dysfunctional, dissatisfying SM relationships. Alcoholic dominants, manipulative submissives, people who act one way in a public play space and another way at home, dominants who are really submissives in denial, submissives who are neither submissive nor dominant but just crazy, and--of course--that infuriating lot of idiots who tell their partners they aren't "real" subs or "true" doms. If I hear those asinine cliches one more time, my head will explode.
What's worse is that inevitable moment when the correspondent poignantly asks, "What's wrong with me? What can I do to be more submissive (or dominant)?" And when these questions come, what I hear in them is: "what can I do to hang on to this relationship that is tearing me apart?" My question: why do you WANT to hang on to it?
There's an ancient Jewish saying that goes, "Never make a woman cry, because God counts the tears." That is more or less my philosophy on any caring and humane relationship. Someone is counting the tears of slaves who have been conned, used, rejected, made to feel worthless, and treated like one- dimensional objects. And someday the rotten bastards will pay, because the good old American saying that "what goes around come around" contains a special wisdom.
A slave's tears can come from many sources. They may be a product of their joy, of a profound journey, of psychosexual relief, of a spiritual enterprise. Even when they come from a painful place, there should be healing afterwards. The majority of your relationship time should be fun and intimate. If you are constantly frustrated and tense, when the tears come from unhappiness over the BDSM relationship itself, you cross the line from consent to co-dependence and abuse.
Doms, please: make your subs talk about what they're feeling and listen to what they say. Do your best to work with them but don't hang on to every sub like he or she is the last one. If a sub constantly undermines your authority or pressures you to give "more," show that slave the door!
Subs, please: don't be afraid to express your feelings. Sometimes a dom doesn't even realize you're unhappy until you say so. Scratch the surface of a "Master" or "Mistress" who won't work to improve a BDSM relationship and you'll find a bullshit artist. If your dom argues you down or tries to convince you that it's all your fault, it's time to go.
Sex and Spirituality Chat
Topic: Valuing Women's
Sexuality
When: Sunday, May 28, 8 pm et
Where: Sex
and Spirituality Chatroom
Women unite--and speak your minds! Will we finally push our
way out of second-class status in the 21st century? Will we
lead the way to a better world? Or will churches and society keep
telling us that we don't matter as much as men?
The following links pages were revised on May 17: 
Male Dominants
Bondage
A few days ago, a cable tv station ran a Tarzan marathon. Back to back (and front to front), scantily-clad mesomorphs romped with chimps and other wild creatures. I've long come to realize why it was that I was keenly fascinated by Tarzan movies in my childhood. Those sexy little loin-cloths--oh! The fearless Alpha male swinging through trees--ooh! The classic power dynamics that so naturally occurred when Jane jumped into the all-male jungle--ahh! Not to mention the bondage and combat and physical torture that invariably appeared in every Tarzan plot. Drip!
So I settled in on my deliciously decadent bed (what sights it has seen!) and watched one of the better Tarzans (please don't ask me its title: I subscribe to the Unified Tarzan Theory. For me, there is only One Tarzan, who manifests in a wide range of hormonally over-wrought male vessels, united through time by their friendship with a long series of similarly varied manifestations of One Cheetah, Tarzan's boon companion and bestial buddy).
What a homoerotic SM love-fest it turned out to be! In this Tarzan, there was no Jane. There was instead a token female explorer. This bitch of the jungle was immune to the bulging brawn of nearly-naked men. She sported a style best described as Dominatrix a Go-Go: safari clothes and riding boots. She enjoyed skinny dipping and sneering at helpless men. She was smarter and better educated than them all. She was out of their league. She was my kinda gal.
The body contact was strictly male. There was a vaguely disturbing bond between Tarzan and a young boy, and an overtly sensual, inter-racial interlude when Tarzan gently massaged balm into a hunky tribal chief's upper thigh wound. The movie abounded with images of noble savages in feral combat--with tigers, snakes, and warriors alike. The camera angles were pornographic, offering lurid vistas of bulging groins and glistening hard nipples.
Smut movies which try to turn me on usually leave me cold. And, like them, Tarzan movies are generally filled with improbabilities and inanities and bad dialogue. But for a few hours, as I lounged in the plush luxury of my pillowed haven, Tarzan tantalized me with its smorgasbord of perversions. And I wondered: am I reading things into Tarzan because I'm a sadomasochist? Or is the whole Tarzan myth designed to appeal to sadomasochists like me?
While it was Tarzan (and Spartacus) for me, for others it was The Avengers or Batman or Mannix or Speed Racer or any of hundreds of other pop culture phenemona. It seems that most kinky people can recall some show or movie which awakened and excited them in new, inexplicable ways as children. Is it any wonder, in a pop culture so drenched with images of dominance and submission, that we would feed on such fare, and thrive as kinky adults?
I like to think, now, of that little Gloria of the distant past, bottle in one hand, rattle in the other, glued to the tv on Saturdays, raptly watching movies about Tarzan (with bound captives), or pirates (with galley slaves) or Roman gladiators (and slaves). I like to think how those films nurtured my imagination and provided me such wondrous, fanciful escapes from daily life. And I'd like to thank all those actors who unwittingly contributed to my psychosexual development. Tarzan, wherever you are, and whatever form you have now taken, you're welcome to swing through my dungeon any time.
Sex and Spirituality Chat
Topic: LET'S PLAY
When: Sunday, May 21, 8 pm et
Where: Sex
and Spirituality Chatroom
Description: Did your vibrator's batteries ever die at a crucial moment? Ever lose your handcuff keys? Did your edible undies melt? Or do you make your man pose in a jock-strap that looks like an elephant? Tonight we celebrate sex with a sense of humor! Bring your funniest, strangest stories! Before you go, Read the Sex & Spirituality chatguide
Spanking Links
newly revised for May 2000
"What seems odd to me is that for several years now, we have pushed the concept of celebrating our diversity. Accepting all people into our community regardless of gender, race, sexual preference and especially fetish preference. Yet we find so many frictions occurring between various factions of our community because of those diversities. Celebrating our diversity seems to have somehow become warped into being celebrate our diversity as long as you agree that our way is the standard, the only true and correct way, which everyone should strive to follow." --from the May column by bob harris
Bookmark bob's page--he writes a new column every month on the hottest issues in the Scene. And don't forget that you can meet bob at Southeast Leatherfest in Atlanta this June.
Our next meeting is Sunday, May 7, 2000, at 8 pm et (5 pm
pt). Chat Topic: TRUE CONFESSIONS
Description: Ever wake up next to a stranger? Ever have a
little too much to drink and do something stupid? Did you ever
betray a lover or significant other and still feel ashamed? Ah,
the GUILT! The SHAME! Say--isn't it about time you got over it?
Tonight is your chance! Gloria and HOST THRV PASHUN will be
opening their confessional booths to hear all your very worst
(and best!) secrets. Come spill your guts and listen to your
friends do the same. You'll all feel so relieved.
Before you go, Read the S&S; chat guide
Go confess now: Sex and Spirituality Chatroom.
Do you know about the SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTER? Founded in 1971, the SPLC remains a vital force in fighting hate and teaching tolerance. Visit the site to learn about its brilliant and visionary leaders: Morris Dees, Joe Levin, and Julian Bond. Read about the Center's extraordinary achievements, then check out "TEN WAYS TO FIGHT HATE" a free guide for activists and teachers and anyone else working to promote tolerance. Also consider contributing to their new Campaign for Tolerance, co-sponsored by the glorious Rosa Parks.
The Southern Poverty Law Center is helping shape the world into a more compassionate place.
The following features were
updated or added to this site in May:
Bibliophilia Books
Perspectives of a Male
Submissive
a sonnet by Gloria G. Brame
You wanted photos of me, shots
to suit your moods, an album chronicling
how I looked drugged with sleep,
drunk at night, late, very late, very drunk.
Sometimes you intercepted me midday,
wet from the shower, or weeping in a corner,
or composing a grocery list. Snap, snap
snap, each shot ate me up.
The machine obscured your eyes;
the lens was a lion's jaw.
Tribespeople who, on first contact,
feared a camera could steal their souls,
never lost their power. I trusted you
and posed naked and was devoured.
this poem just appeared in the
blu2000 issue of
bluemilk
an Atlanta-based post-modernist arts magazine
Our next meeting is Sunday, May 7, 2000, at 8 pm et (5 pm
pt). Chat Topic: TRUE CONFESSIONS
Description: Ever wake up next to a stranger? Ever have a
little too much to drink and do something stupid? Did you ever
betray a lover or significant other and still feel ashamed? Ah,
the GUILT! The SHAME! Say--isn't it about time you got over it?
Tonight is your chance! Gloria and HOST THRV PASHUN will be
opening their confessional booths to hear all your very worst
(and best!) secrets. Come spill your guts and listen to your
friends do the same. You'll all feel so relieved.
Before you go, Read the S&S; chat guide
Go confess now: Sex and Spirituality Chatroom.
The following features were
updated or added to this site in May:
New in April:
Thermpolyae Poetry Ezine
Sex & Spirituality Chat Guide
The Poetry Experience
Southeast Leatherfest
(SELF)
Perspectives of a Male
Submissive
Male Dominant
Links
BDSM/Fetish Community
Links
Guide
W.D. BRAME
Adults Only Please.
I just added the new May schedule for the Sex and Spirituality chats. If you think this subject wouldn't interest you, why don't you check out the program and see what I have in store for the merry month of May. All faiths (and non-believers too) are welcome.
Our next meeting is Sunday, April 30, 2000, at 8 pm est (5 pm pst) in THRIVE's Sex and Spirituality Chatroom. This week's topic: Valuing Black Women's Sexuality.
For a long, long, much too long time, I have been unable to devote energy to my first true love, poetry. If you've poked around this site, you may have noticed that Thermopylae magazine, as well as my Links for Literati, and sundry other literary features have gone neglected. Two new updates change all that.
First, to make your literary browsing faster, check out The Poetry Experience. This new front door to all things literary in gloria-brame.com allows you quickly to locate the many fine poets and writers whose work and ideas are featured here.
I'm delighted to announce the new addition of truly exceptional content to this ezine's pages.
New for April, read the superb poetry of Elissa Barmack, Louie Crew, John Hulse, and David Hunter Sutherland; a brilliant essay on World War I poety by Major Jeffrey C. Alfier; and a provocative new mini-interview with poet Michael Benedikt on the state of literature at the turn of the 21st century.
All this month, I will be guest-hosting the "Hot Books" section of Compuserve's Literary Forum. If you are a lover of books and writing, please come by and say hi in Compuserve's Literary Forum, now FREE to all surfers. Ask me about COME HITHER, or anything else related to the art and business of being a writer. You can even ask personal questions (if you must). All welcome.
Too many leather events, not enough disposable income? If you can only attend one event this year, why not make it Southeast Leatherfest (SELF)?
Run by my friendly, local Atlanta SM community, SELF is one of the best events in the Scene (in my never humble opinion, of course). Read SELF's press release for complete details. If you like to meet kindred spirits, see hot men and women compete for titles, shop for toys, learn new techniques, and just generally have a wild and woolly time, SELF is the place to be this June. My pals, Victoria Gayton and Tom Stice, have put together a fantastic schedule, with great workshops and events of all kinds, and more BDSM "stars" than you can shake a whip at (including Molly Devon, Joseph Bean, Vi Johnson, Jill Carter, Mr. Marcus, Laura Antoniou, and many others you've heard about but never had a chance to meet. Even the delicious bob harris will be on hand. (Or on several hands, depending on what his Master allows... ).
I'll be there too, presenting the results of my BDSM/fetish Demographics Survey. I will probably also do some kind of a reading or booksigning. If you've hankered after an autographed copy of any of my books, look for me at SELF and I'll be happy to oblige.
TINGLE-BELLS ARE HERE!
A delightfully musical way to torment your lover,
brand new in W.D. Brame.
Adults Only Please.
The ABCS of D&S; hotlinks are now
The BDSM/Fetish Community Guide.
Revised and updated with over 40 new links!
Most visitors to this site come here in search of kinky sex resources; and most know me as an author of kinky books, and an out-of-the-closet sadomasochist.
This spring, you are all invited to get to know me in two very different contexts. For a change, there will be little talk of SM/fetishism, and much talk about matters spiritual and literary.
As announced last week, Thrive (a division of the new multimedia giant, Oxygen) has given me the opportunity to host a brand new show for them. With a chat mat, and dedicated Experts Room, we hope to make this a high-quality, intelligent spot for intelligent people of all ages to congregate and share wisdom. Join us in the Sex and Spirituality Chatroom every Sunday at 8 pm est. For more information, and a detailed topic schedule, read the Sex & Spirituality Chat Guide on this site. You'll find links to Thrive there too.
I'm not entirely sure yet where this new show will lead but I expect an interesting voyage. All fellow travelers are welcome, regardless of age, orientation, belief system, or anything else.
If spirituality is not your cup of tea leaves, you can catch up with me in yet another incarnation. I am guest-hosting the "Banned Books/Hot Books" section of Compuserve's Literary Forum for the month of April. GO LITFORUM if you're a Compuserve member. On the Net, head to go.compuserve.com/ literary. Compuserve will allow you to create a free screen name to access LitForum without charge. You'll see the cover of my new book on LitForum's homepage alongside links to my message board. Right now, I've started talking a little about censorship issues, and how a nice poet like me ended up being a notorious SM author. (Just lucky, I guess.)
Writers, aspiring writers, academics, avid readers, and anyone else interested in books and writing, please consider yourselves warmly invited.
A Word About Handles: Both LitForum and Thrive are G- rated environments with kids traveling through. Please use your judgment and avoid explicit handles in those areas. Thanks.
I hope some of you will drop by and say hi in this merry month of April.
Perspectives of a Male
Submissive takes a fanciful flight as bob harris asks
"OSHA and SM?" in his new column for April. Me and Julia Roberts Can you imagine the ultra-
mainstream women's publication Redbook publishing a short
interview with me on SM? Well, neither can I: but they did
publish one in which I discuss some common male fantasies which
the editors assured me would SEEM kinky to their audience. Go
figure. Look for me on page 76 of the April issue of Redbook
magazine. The adorable Ms. Roberts graces the cover. The Poetry Experience is a new
front door to all the poetry-related and literary content in
gloria-brame.com. Bookmark The Poetry
Experience and explore gloria-brame.com's huge resources for
poets, scholars, students and writers. The Dragonfly is the newest
diabolical pleasure toy to debut in Will's swanky SM shop. Take
our recipe for fun with the
Dragonfly for ideas on new ways to play. Adults only.
COMING SOON: A new update to Thermopylae!
Hello. My name is Bobo. I am the canine love-child of Mommy (better known to you as Dr. Brame). Please do not mock my nose.
I am writing Mommy's column in secret this week because she is lost in meditation, meditating on why it is that nothing ever goes the way it was planned.
(I can relate. I plan on eating off Mommy's dinner plate every night, but it never really seems to go my way.)
See, among Mommy's many unusual fetishes, her Planning Fetish has to be the kinkiest of all. Mommy had carefully planned out a schedule, and was getting ready to post links to her new Sex & Spirituality chat for Thrive/Oxygen. But for reasons which only the Great Bobo in the Sky can ever know, it turns out that the conference room isn't ready in time for her big debut.
So, for now, the Sex & Spirituality chat will have to be postponed until Oxygen has had time to prepare the room. (They better have a treat jar in there, if they know what's good for them.)
Still, there's good news to report. I am wagging my tail over the improvements that Mommy has been making to the site. She had been busy keep refreshing and updating old features, and adding new amusements to keep you entertained. For example, she just added a cool guide page to help people find all the literary offerings in gloria-brame.com; plus she just added a whole new feature to Daddy's nifty nipple-clip boutique. (talk about bow-wow-OWWWWW!)
Look at "What's New" (below) for details on all the stuff that's been changing around here.
Well, it's time to look pitiful and nose-nudge Mommy all the way to the treat jar. You'd be amazed to see how well I've trained her. And they say you can't teach an old Domme new tricks!
Sunday, April 2nd, 9 pm est: if you belong to #Dominion,
join us tonight at nine o'clock when Gloria spends an hour
answering questions and talking about her new book. The Poetry Experience is a new
front door to all the poetry-related and literary content in
gloria-brame.com. Bookmark The Poetry
Experience and explore gloria-brame.com's huge resources for
poets, scholars, students and writers. The Dragonfly is the newest
diabolical pleasure toy to debut in Will's swanky SM shop. Take
our recipe for fun with the
Dragonfly for ideas on new ways to play. Adults only.
Sorry for any inconvenience. Sex and
Spirituality won't debut on April 2nd but is still planned
for the spring. More news when I've got it.
The Kinky Links Catalogue is
changing, page by page Read all about it and see the new links
added in the past few weeks.
Last week, I mentioned that I'd be announcing a surprising change in my role at Thrive, where I've hosted BDSM chats for the past two and a half years. In retrospect, it's hard to believe we had such a long run on AOL, which is not famous for SM-friendliness. But within Thrive, we had a safe home.
About two weeks ago, after a long chain of unfortunate and unexpected events, Thrive (now a division of Oxygen, a new multi- media company) was ordered by top management to redefine its mission. Literally overnight, they began eliminating or significantly reducing their explicit sexuality content, and moving towards a more mass media approach, in keeping with Oxygen's cable TV network practices. The BDSM content was scrubbed and it looked like my stint with Thrive had come to an end.
It was disappointing to see a good SM venue close, but I quickly adjusted to the idea of being fired. I've been hosting BDSM chats of one sort or another, on and off, for thirteen years, beginning with the SM board I founded on Compuserve in 1987. The chats on Thrive were great fun, thanks to a fantastic co-host (THRVPashun) and some great regulars who faithfully returned week after week. Still, I was getting tired of answering the same questions again and again. And again. And then again. And then a few times more. And...well, you get the idea.
Professionally speaking, I had no bone to pick with Thrive. They've been fair with me. They gave us complete freedom of expression in the chat room and promoted BDSM safety with a classy, friendly format. Our written contract allows either side to exit without penalty. As a pragmatist, I believe Thrive did as much as any mainsteam media outlet could to support a sane, healthy approach to BDSM/fetish sex for as long as it could. It was time to move on.
I was already making plans for that extra couple of hours a week when a phonecall late last week from the head of programming changed things all over again. She offered a long, personal apology and explanation of what had happened, which was very considerate. She said that while the BDSM area had fallen victim to the new mission statement, the powers-that-be wanted me to stay. She offered me a new chat but it sounded too much like "kink lite." And I'm a hard woman. So I turned it down and instead asked to go in a whole new direction, and to host a chat on Sex and Spirituality for them. To my astonishment, they liked the idea: I just received final approval yesterday.
It's all happened so quickly, I'm a bit dazed. But, I'll do my best to emerge from the mists by Sunday, April 2nd, at 8 pm est when we debut.
Sex I Understand. But Why Spirituality?
Good question. (I'm glad I asked it.)
Having done so much work on the physical and intellectual sides of sex, I've been increasingly intrigued by its spiritual and religious aspects. More and more, I've been thinking about such things as the spiritual underpinnings of some non-Western erotic arts, and the influences of religious doctrine on sexual behavior. Put another way, I've been thinking about everything from the Kama Sutra to Kosher Sex.
Last fall, when Come Hither was going to press, I decided that my next book would be about sex and spirituality. I discussed the book idea with my literary agent and a couple of editors, and the general response was positive. If you've read Come Hither, you know it has a section devoted to religious issues; if you've seen the BDSM Demographics Survey, you know there it contains several questions about religion and spirituality. So I've been quietly laying the groundwork for further study in this area and organizing a book proposal.
When the changes at Thrive translated into an opportunity to lead chats on this topic with my own format, room ethos, and ambitious calendar of important topics, it was irresistible... A Godsend, perchance? Well, eerie, anyway, as if destiny was giving me a nudge, if not an actual kick in the butt.
The new chat will feature new amenities, including weekly polls related to my chat topics, a private chat-room, and some other cool perks. Best of all, the lovely THRVPashun will remain my co-host and will keep the room orderly and efficient.
Sex and Spirituality will be relevant to everyone interested in spirituality and sexual politics. For your convenience, I will soon be adding a complete guide to the Sex and Spirituality chats, including a calendar of topics scheduled for April. At that time, I will also provide you with you one-click access to the chats. If you'd like to join us on Sunday, April 2nd at 8 pm (est), please check back here in a couple of days for the scoop! Hope to see some of you there.
Sex and Spirituality: read the guide to Gloria's new real-time chats for Thrive.
The Kinky Links Catalogue is changing, page by page Read all about it and see the new links added in the past few weeks.
Bid adieu to the Brames' photo album. We figured that, after four years, our flesh deserved a rest.
This past month, I've been sucked into that great American media publicity machine known as the Book Tour. Briefly defined, a book tour is an author's ritual punishment for having had the chutzpah to write a book in the first place.
As you might imagine, when an author writes books about kinky sex, the punishments can be dire. Yesterday, during an awful interview with a pair of clueless Howard Stern-wannabes, the producer goofed. Instead of putting me on hold during the commercial break, I got to hear my interviewers' off-air comments about me. "I HATE HER!" I heard one of them shriek. "She's EXPLAINING things!"
Moments later, the very same person came on the phone and said, in an oily voice, "We really like you. But...do you think you could lighten it up just a little? You know, this should be FUN!"
I was tempted to point out to her that her idea of fun (which included jokes about drugging women to have sex with them) and mine were, how shall I put it...RADICALLY DIFFERENT. But, it's a book tour, and my job is to mention the title of my book as often as possible, not to lecture low-rent shock jocks on the manners their mothers never taught them. I use a technique I developed when, as an English professor, I was occasionally assigned to teach hardcore functional illiterates in a remedial English class. I talk in short sentences. I don't use big words. I tell it like it is.
I can be as jiggy as the next middle-aged sadomasochist.
But what's really begun to bug me is the question everyone, including intelligent interviewers, keep asking me. "What is kinky sex?" Since I cover this question in depth in the book, I aim for soundbites during interviews. I explain that kink is in the eye of the beholder: to someone who's been doing bondage all his life, and who always found partners who enjoyed it, bondage isn't kinky. Whereas to someone who was raised to believe that anything other than missionary position hetero sex is the only "natural" type of sex, even oral sex and masturbation are kinky.
Kinky is vague enough to apply to whatever people feel falls outside the range of "normal." Usually, though, they use kinky to mean "forbidden" or, more commonly, "perverted" and "deviant."
And, really, that's what everyone wants to hear: they want me to talk about "the sickest things" I've heard about, witnessed, and done personally. They also want me to use words like "deviant" and "perverted" to stir up their audience. When I won't use those words, they do.
As you might image, when an SMer gets a chance to address mainstream audiences, she has to choose her words carefully. But, I have regretfully concluded that it's time, finally, to tell my vanilla interviewers the plain truth, and to reveal once and for what really PERVERSE sex is all about!
So here it is. Ready? Okay. And remember you're hearing this from someone with a PhD in sexuality.
Perverted sex is when a man and a woman who may or may not feel physical love for one another undress hastily in the dark, ashamed of their bodies, too inhibited to talk openly about sex, and assume the missionary position without foreplay or afterplay. It's unnatural to do the same exact thing in bed every night--especially when it's what you were told to do, instead of what actually feels good to you. It's sick when you lock up your sexual nature in a closet and throw away the key. Nothing could be more deviant, perverse, and contrary to human nature, than to insist that all people enjoy only one type of sexual encounter.
If you ask me, the kind of sex that religious zealots like Dr. Laura advocate is really about as perverted as you can get. I think it's time I start talking about that truth on my book tour. Of course that will mean explaining things. I wonder who will hate me next.
My chats for THRIVE are going to
be changing. BIG TIME. And in the most unpredictable way, too!
Look for a surprising announcement on this site sometime next
week. The Kinky Links Catalogue is
changing! Read all about it and see the new links added
today Bid adieu to the Brames' photo album. We figured that,
after four years, our flesh deserved a rest. Shhhh! Don't tell anyone , but Will's SM boutique is the best place
to see what goes on in our dungeon. ADULTS ONLY! If you're under
18, your skin will turn green if you go in there.
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