Howdy, folks.

In case you haven't already seen it...the *NEW* Body Image Poll is up and running! Have you taken it yet?
Follow this link to register your opinions:

http://gloria-brame.master.com/texis/master/search/+/form/BDSM%20Body%20Image%20Poll.html

If you'd like to follow the data as they roll in, you can see results at:

http://gloria-brame.master.com/texis/master/search/+/resp/BDSM%20Body%20Image%20Poll.html

I will also post the individual comments that poll-takers have made right here in this thread so you can find out what others have to say about this issue and the poll itself.

Meanwhile, below (in the next message), you'll find a very interesting piece on Body Image/Body Size and BDSM, written by Sensuous Sadie. Sadie gave us permission to reprint the article in its entirety, along with some good URLs and books for more info on size issues. Hope you enjoy her essay!

And don't forget to take the poll--
http://gloria-brame.master.com/texis/master/search/+/form/BDSM%20Body%20Image%20Poll.html

hugs,

G.

Fat Women, Body Image, and Sexual Politics
in the BDSM Scene
by Sensuous Sadie
email: BurlVTSub@aol.com
website: http://www.sensuoussadie.com

My name is Sadie and I'm fat. That is, fat and beautiful. Zaftig. Rubenesque. Soft and cuddly, and really fun to hug. I am a size 24, and in general, if you don't like it, you can lump it. It helps that I am also in fabulous shape with calves of steel and six pack abs (which can't be seen under my tummy, but I know they're there)

     This is a little bit about me and a lot about everyone who has body image issues. It's a lot about women, and a little about men. It's about how I came to love my body, and also how body image and self-esteem function in the D/s context. When I started thinking about writing this piece, I wasn't sure if I had anything useful to say. After all, as my friend Elizabeth told me "you have the best body image of anyone I know, thin or fat." The story of how I got here doesn't have a lot to do with BDSM, so I won't go into excess detail. Suffice it to say that once upon a time I was addicted to food and hated my body. In my mid 20's I went to Overeaters Anonymous and made friends with Nicole, another addict who happened to be a size five, but who also ate her chicken pot pies half frozen because she couldn't wait for them to bake fully. She was also one hell of a snappy dresser. Nicole taught me that self-hatred is an equal opportunity force of destruction for both fat and thin women, and she taught me how to be one hell of a snappy dresser.
     
Is The BDSM Scene Any Different Than vanilla Life?

     Some years later I entered the BDSM lifestyle pretty much at peace with those issues. I don't have any research basis for this, but there does seem to be more plus-sized women in the scene. Perhaps they are attracted in greater numbers because their size is less of an issue than what they have to offer through their submission, their willingness to serve, or dominate.

     The scene offers some wonderful things that the vanilla world does not. The biggest one is that due to numbers alone, way more men than women, I could have been a complete ass, a total bitch, or a whining doormat and I still would have had no shortage of Dominants a'knocking at my door. While I have never found it particularly difficult to find lovers in the vanilla world, in the BDSM world they're lined up on the doorstep. Before Vermont even had a D/s community, I posted a personals ad in alt.personals.bondage and over a few years met and went out with no less than 40 Dominants. Is this because I'm God's gift to men? As much as I'd like to think so, it's unlikely. There some are very real differences which account for this phenomenon.

     While we come from all walks of life, BDSMers all have a love for the alternative. We are not people who spend every Wednesday night engaged in military-style intercourse. We love passion, the power exchange, and the magic of sexual self-expression. This attitude translates, generally speaking, into a more open-minded attitude toward size, not to mention age, gender, race, and orientation. When I look for a Dominant, I'm looking less at his career path, and more for his ability to know himself and control me. When I look for a submissive, I'm looking less for his economic viability, and more for his capacity to be vulnerable, for his emotional stability. Looks are nice, and heaven knows I like to have a hot trophy submissive hanging on my leash, but the bottom line is that after a scene, I want to be able to connect with this person on a deeper level. After the party, I want to be able to cuddle up with them over a bowl of popcorn and watch Arsenic and Old Lace.

     Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much.
     
How To Get Over It

     The thing about body issues is that everyone has them, women and men, thin and fat, you and me. After all, if I never had any body issues, the world would not need me to be an activist for size acceptance. If you want to get over self-criticism, here are some things you can try. Start by communicating with your body, using affirmations to find the beautiful parts about yourself, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Listen to what your body has to say, and respect your own path. This is the foundation of self-love. If you love yourself, loving your body will follow.

     On the practical side, go to some play parties or other public situations where you will be able to observe people of all sizes and shapes enjoying themselves. Replace any critical thoughts in your head with positive ones about the beauty of their bodies, whether it be good skin, soft curves, great butt to spank, strong muscles, or wonderful handfuls of breasts. Talk to your friends about what beautiful thing you saw in this larger person. If it's not a physical attribute, notice their courage for playing in public, their love of their own body, or their unself-consciousness. For the female Dominant, size can be an advantage, projecting a powerful physical presence which attracts submissives. If you have this advantage, use it.

     Invite some friends over and do a little play under more controlled conditions. You'll be able to see how it feels to share your fears with people you trust. Here again, you don't need to bare it all. Think about the parts of your body you like best and start with those. For example, I feel most confident about my breasts, waist and legs. So when I first played in public I wore a short skirt, but bared the rest of me. When I played with one submissive who was shy about his tummy (he wasn't fat, but he didn't work out and was a bit soft there), I had him bare his ass and penis, both very fine, but allowed him to wear a tank top. Showing this kind of love and care for his feelings also helped him to come to terms with his body.

     I found I felt more confident when my friends and/or play partners were also plus-sized. Over time I discovered play partners who weren't fat themselves, but who appreciated my body nevertheless for its strength, flexibility, health, and energy.

     When you are ready, consider doing some public play at a party. You do not have to go whole hog and strut around nekkid. Take some trusted friends along and give it a try.

     Work out! There is nothing like the confidence and strength that comes from being in good shape. While we should all be respected regardless of our size, it's much harder for people to criticize me knowing that 1. I'm in better shape than they are, and that 2. I can kick their butt.

     Wear sexy clothes. The best part about Scene parties is the opportunity to dress like a slut. Scene events are one of the few places where you can wear revealing, sexy, exotic clothing, and have it be appreciated. Show off your best attribute. Have you ever seen me in a high necked shirt or a long skirt? Looking good translates to feeling good. Dress not because you feel you should, but because showing off your body will increase your confidence. Also known as fake it till you make it.

     Lastly – if you like yourself and your body – act like it. Talk about body image to your friends. Dress well. Take care of your body. Be a role model.
     
The Big Picture

     This is my theory about men and body size:

     25% Love Plus Sized Women Like Me! One vanilla, but aggressive lover, in the midst of fucking my brains out, whispered "those guys who like skinny women don't know what they're missing!" A New Hampshire Dominant says, "I prefer larger submissives. There's more flesh to play with and I don't have to worry so much about hitting bones." Another scene player says "Personally, I find the sight of a voluptuous woman bound tightly much more stirring than a slim woman. It is much more gratifying to spank a well-rounded bottom than a skinny one."

     25% Do Not Notice Body Size At All. One Dominant said to me, "I get so irritated with these submissives who talk about and criticize their bodies all the time. It makes me focus on the negative things about them, and to be honest, I really just do not care about whether or not they have a tummy or not, or have big thighs or not, or whatever. I just don't look at people that way."

     25% Prefer Slimmer Woman, But Are Open To Loving People For Who They Are, Not What They Look Like. Another Dominant said to me "I've been with big women and small women and it doesn't matter what size they are, so much as their personality and whether or not they're fun to be with in and out of bed."

     25% Only Date Thin Women. One submissive said about her partner "Recently as we were walking with our arms about each other, he commented 'the world is backwards.' He does not like the fact that I am not small enough to throw around the bed the way he would like."

     100% of them are irritated by women who harp on their bodies and constantly put themselves down.

     I know three Dominants who only get involved with thin women. Does it irk me? You bet it does, and at some level it limits our friendship. I need to know that my friends celebrate me in the same way I celebrate myself. I'm not saying each of us shouldn't be allowed to have our preferences, but to insist on one particular body type seems childish and closed-minded to me. I also don't go out with men who only date plus-sized women. That's just as ridiculous. I choose my men for their ability to be emotionally grounded, spiritually present, and engaged with life.

     In any case, I'm still left with 75% of the men, so I say to hell with the ones who are stuck on size. In addition to my fat self, my zaftig self, my Rubenesque self, I am so much more. I am passion, joy, and spirituality. I am strength and weakness, Dominance and submission, taking and yielding. I am a whole person first, a fat woman second, and, I am really fun to hug.

BEST BOOKS & RESOURCES FOR WOMEN'S SIZE ACCEPTANCE

Change How You See
http://www.changehowyousee.com

BODY IMAGE WORKSHOPS & INFORMATION
http://changehowyousee.byregion.net

Manheim, Camryn. Wake Up, I’m Fat! Broadway Books: New York, 1999.

Estes, Clarissa Pinkola. Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype. Ballentine:New York, 1992.

Bruno, Barbara A. Worth Your Weight. Rutledge, 1996.

Erdman, Cheri K. Nothing to Lose: A Guide to Sane Living in a Large Body. Harper:San Francisco, 1995.

Higgs, Liz C. "One Size Fits All" and Other Fables. Thomas Nelson Publishers:Nashville, 1993.

Wann, Marilyn. FAT!SO? Ten Speed Press:Berkeley, CA, 1998

*Longer reference list available upon request. Email queries to: BurlVTSub@aol.com

--------------------------------

Author's Bio: Sensuous Sadie is a BDSM columnist and edits SCENEsubmissions, a free e-newsletter for the New England area and beyond. She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at BurlVTSub@aol.com or visit her website at www.sensuoussadie.com Sadie believes that the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues.

Wow, what a great article: full of very inspiring messages for all of us, no matter what size we are!

Deb

Deb!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU, Sweetie!!!! :-) Got your snailmail last night. You are SUCH a darling! *kisssss*

<<      Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies, we have many opportunities through play parties and demos to look at, get used to, and eventually admire the soft curves of fat people. It is at first astounding, and then liberating to see a large man or woman walk around a play party stark naked, proud of their body, fully loved. It's hard not to like someone who likes herself so much. >>

This is actually something I noticed and liked when I got into the scene (meaning public play and such). I got to see all sorts of bodies, some I found particularly attractive and others I did not, but I got to see people comfortable enough in their own skins, however big or not big, to show those skins :) It impressed me quite a bit... regardless of who I would have pointed at and called "hot".

Hi, Gloria!
My pleasure, I'm glad I could finally put my money where my mouth is (haha!) and that it arrived!

I've had a great time in the US, I wish I could stay longer but I must return on Sunday! Hope all is well with you!

*hug!*
Deb

Some food for thought...I loved Sadie's piece, and I've read other women's writing on body image/size issues that were similarly upbeat and inspiring.

But where are the essays and books from corpulent men, celebrating their own love of their bodies? Would we feel the same way if a man had written the above?

Well I would, but that's me. I like my men. . . well, average! Big and beefy is nice, a little softness in the middle........somewhere between a big beer gut and the gym rat six pack is just about right. LOL

In all seriousness, I would hope we would be just as encouraging regardless of the gender of the person who wrote the article.......would be a pretty hefty double standard otherwise, eh?

There was a question in the survey about if you're doing something (diet, exercise, etc) to improve your looks. I said no even though I'm working a fitness plan. . . because I'm not doing it to improve my looks, I'm doing it to improve my health. =D

And BTW I'm 5'6", about 220, size 18/20, and perfectly happy with myself.

My sassy two cents,
crafty

crafty, LTNS :)

Welcome back!

Steel

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Re:<< Unlike our vanilla friends who rarely see large naked bodies et seg., That's not true in much of the world outside the U.S. One of my fondest memories is seeing an octogenarian lady lead her older, blind husband into the sun at our local bathing beach. You should have seen the expression on his face and her joy at seeing it, as the warm sun hit their naked bodies. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. And things haven’t, thank goodness, changed. Steve Erlanger reported in last Sunday’s NYT report on Berlin: “You can cool off in, on, or by one of Berlin's many lakes... Be prepared for German bathing attire (skimpy at best)!”

Another aspect: To perform the job safely and quickly, my partner’s profession requires lifting people, and being able to be lifted by others, and that in sometimes confined, hazardous spaces. Not exactly Special Forces, but a high level of physical fitness and motor coordination is necessary to prevent injury. Don’t you agree, while that level of fitness level may not be necessary in a BDSM scene (although my partner’s strength and endurance levels are very attractive and useful!), good physical fitness is a good idea? We don’t want to risk ruptured aneurisms, etc. in play spaces do we? So shouldn’t those who do play energetically, do as the craftygirl does? “I'm working a fitness plan…to improve my health.”

F.

Awww thanks Steel! Wasn't sure anyone would remember me, been ages. =)

Future,

My entrepreneurial spirit says "Here's an opportunity. A kinky gym." Tons and tons of possibilities for both play and work...out. An advertising slogan comes to mind..."Get in shape while you get off."

The mind boggles at the possibilities.

Knyghtflyher

A kinky gym? I love it!

I volunteer to lead all workouts by providing .... um .... incentive .... via a singletail or other appropriate implement. I can hear it now! Okay folks, just four more ... (crack!) .... three more .... (crack!) ..... two more ..... (crack!)

OMG I love this too much!

Craig
Head Inspiration Povider
Erotic Aerobics

crafty, how could we forget you? :-)

I still remember asking you if it was crafty for your creative skills or crafty because you're cunning and you letting me know that you are both!

Welcome home! :-)

Craig,

janiece just said that two of us just have to meet up some day. You have provided such delicious humor and I, for one, truly appreciate it.

Ron

P.S. Whether my keyboard appreciates it or not is something else because I just about sprayed coffee all over it with my belly laughs. <crack> ROFLMAO!!!

Oh oh hey...............my ex-boyfriend lost like 40 pounds in the first 4 or 5 months we were dating, and a total of about 60 in the year we were together.

Know what he did differently?

Ahem I should say who he did..........the only change he made was in his lifestyle was regular and vigorous (although sadly vanilla) sexual activity with yours truly.

I was so proud! *giggling*

I love the gym thing.........gonna have to run that by Papi and see what he thinks ;-)

crafty
p.s. to Dr Glory.......thanks, good to be here!!

wow...
I'm short on words I guess. lol
Actually It's been a crazy past few weeks around here and I haven't had much time to post. (tonight being one of them when I don't have much time)

I do want to say I can never ever ever never in my wildest dreams imagine liking myself. Especially liking myself THAT much. There's been two folks to see me naked in the past few years... one... well it's a good thing if the lights are off... the other... well I should say thank you to him. :)

At any rate... that would be a long long hard process and it would be nothing that could be beat into me. That goes for dieting, exercising or liking myself.

Sometimes it seems to be a double edge knife that feels heated and twisted when inserted.... deep
i hate myself because im fat... but im fat because i hate myself. <shrug>

i don't mind talking about it and yes it has been a major problem within my marriage.... but, however, i do not ever want to come across as feeling sorry for myself.

I look at it as just something I need to work on. :)
And one day... it just may happen.

ok... that's enough for now. I'm off to bed.. (lights off) lol

I'll share more thoughts tomorrow.

~chris
who can't send emails to boxes that are full :)~

AND.. who remembers crafty too :) hi there.

Ron

Sorry about your keyboard, dude. Maybe we can get you a new one by going into partnership to launch a chain of sleazy, fly-by-knyght (sorry, couldn't resist) sadistic gyms. Sign up now, you lazy sluts, so you can serve us all better and feel better doing it!

Craig
Business Development Manager

(PS ... heya Crafty!)

I decided to do something about my weight (again). Everytime I decide to I always swear the same thing. "It will work this time"

I know what to do, how to eat, what to eat, what not to eat blah blah blah... but to actually do it takes self control. Which i do not have nor would i even know how to go about using it if i had it.

I looked at myself in the mirror today. i tried and tried to find the good. (practicing techniques from past counseling experience)... I saw eyes that i liked, and maybe a smile... but the body...it turned me off so i can only imagine what it does to someone who isn't used to seeing it. Well, lets just not go there.

the one thing in my life that I CAN completely control... for some reason i can't.

This is starting to sound like i'm writing in a diary. lol

I don't want someone to say awwwww... or have any kind of pity. This is just how it is.

Many people have said "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" ... so hearing me type this, without seeing me, makes me ugly just with my words? When i type bad things about myself do you picture some fat, oreo crumbed face, lazy, wont get off her butt to do something... gal sitting here typing? Just wondering how this makes me look.

~chris
who either needs a beating or her meds one.
hmmm maybe both LOL :)

Needless to say, we all have our hang-ups. Things we don't particularly like. But when those hang-ups become your hour by hour thoughts and obsessions then something probably should be done. At which point is it too much?

I hear a lot (and talk it myself) about just being ok with yourself. It's who your are inside.. blah blah blah.

But then you get someone that says they have to be attracted first by the package. I may be wrong but start out with a blindfold, then that "fat" person starts bringing you close to orgasm.. takes the blindfold off.. are you (you as in general) going to lose that wonderful feeling? Or does the lack of blood running to your brain cloud your thoughts to where you can't get up and run away from the uglies and have to finish off before you throw up at the thought of what just happened?

I'm suddenly thinking of the movie Shallow Hal. <shrug>

Can ya tell I'm on a kick here lately? I can't wait til this crap passes.

~chris

Hi Folks, I just had to write something here -
All my life I have battled a few pounds here and there and a "few" pounds means 1-3 dress sizes as I am only 5'1" tall. I can be a round curvy size 6 or 8 and then financial difficulties, relationship issues, death in the family, not being realistic with my exercise, and turning 42 all came to a head this past year and I am heavier then I have ever been sittin at a size 12 and on a bad day a 14. How has this impacted my relationship? well I notice that he doesn't tell me how hot I am anymore, he doesn't have me dress up in kinky wear like he used to and not because he doesn't want to see it but because he knows I have "issues" with it. He still rocks my boat and touches me and loves me like before, but its simply because with this issue he is patient (but not much else LOL. I am working on it now but for 6 months it was just plain "weird" in that area of my life. I am eating better (damn I crave carbs!) and working out 1 hour 3 times a week. I am determined to lose those friggin 25 pds by my birthday in NOv and keep them off - but for a man who used to date a burlesque dancer hes pretty patient and less shallow then most men I've known. 3 years ago I gained and lost 17 pds and it wasn't that hard so know I can do it again. Its a battle at my age and lifestyle - but one I will win.

Personally I just cant imagine letting this get more out of hand then it already has, my anger and some good hard rock and roll on the cd while on that treadmill helps - I definitely can emphasize with those who battle weight and those who dont that just accept and love themselves for who they are vs what they see on the outside.

I say if your partner doesn't make you feel sexy then what ya still doin there? it matters how you feel more then anything

Just a fast clarification on my last post.

When I said I can't wait for all this crap to pass. I in no way, shape or form meant anything to do with this thread or the board. I meant it as I wish my mood and outlook on things would pass. :)

Just had to make sure y'all knew what I meant.

~chris

I've evidently enjoyed the summer BBQ's a little too much this year and Michelle has recently taken great joy in playfully poking my growing belly and referring to me as "Pillsbury" or "Pop-n-Fresh." I can't help but wonder if she does this on purpose. Of course this leads to her being punished, and I've noticed she does seem to like the new cane quite a bit. (Me being manipulated? Say it ain't so!)

Point is, its all playful. As Kate noted (btw, hi Kate!) what matters most is that your partner makes you feel good about yourself. I can live without the Pop-n-Fresh Dom comments, but I am always very pleased with myself after the caning/flogging/paddling that follows. Although I put on a few pounds, its nice to know she still wants to play.

Craig
Who Is Now Off To The Gym

Looks like fat people make plastic surgery and this make them satisfied.
I thing that "fat cover" looks ugly. And how about nature? I thing condition of human body depends of human bin mental condition. You try to change the result, and in a same time you keep the reason with out chenges.
Try to free your instincts and this chenge your body.
I was fat when I was a child, alittle fat when I was ten
and I have not any fat now(33y.o.).

WOO-HOO, everyone. The Body Image poll is now way up over 300 participants! I'm planning to close it in the next few days (so if you still haven't voted, now's the time!) and will announce the results here soon.

I'll also be adding more of the secret feedback to this thread. So please stay tuned. I'm catching up on a pile of things right now (after a few days away), and will have more for you all to ponder soon :-)

Glory

Gloria,

I think that if you end up selling this research for big bucks, you ought to at least treat the participants to cake and icecream.

Wait a second...maybe the cake isn't such a good idea...

Hi, folks! At long last, the final results of the BDSM Body Image poll that ran here during August!

Individual feedback will follow these statistic results.

**********

Total number of responses: 377
Number of unique respondents: 377

1) In general, how would you describe yourself?
Attractive 48.5%
Average 37.9%
Below Average 8.2%
Extremely Attractive 3.4%
Extremely Unattractive 1.6%
Left unanswered by 0.3% of respondents

2) How would your friends describe the way you look?
Attractive 54.6%
Average 32.6%
Below Average 4.2%
Extremely Attractive 6.9%
Extremely Unattractive 1.1%
Left unanswered by 0.5% of respondents

3) Are you satisfied with your height?
No 18%
Yes 80.1%
Left unanswered by 1.9% of respondents

4) How would you describe your body type?
Could lose a few pounds 43.2%
Just right 18.6%
Need to lose more than 100 pounds 5.8%
Need to lose more than 25 pounds 26.5%
Too thin 5%
Left unanswered by 0.8% of respondents

5) Are you satisfied with your weight?
No 62.1%
Yes 36.9%
Left unanswered by 1.1% of respondents

6) Does anxiety about your looks make you avoid social situations?
No 72.7%
Yes 26.5%
Left unanswered by 0.8% of respondents

7) If you could permanently change one thing about your body, what would it be?
My facial features 8.8%
My height 8%
My weight 52.3%
The size of my chest or genitals 12.7%
There's nothing I would change 17.5%
Left unanswered by 0.8% of respondents

8) I feel that people judge me by my appearance
False 32.1%
True 67.6%
Left unanswered by 0.3% of respondents

9) I judge other people by their appearance
No 56.8%
Yes 43%
Left unanswered by 0.3% of respondents

10) When I look for a partner, I want him/her to be:
All I care about is the person inside, not the outside 43.2%
Better looking than I am 13.8%
Less attractive than I am 0.5%
More or less my equal in attractiveness 42.4%
Left unanswered by 0% of respondents

11) Based on what you see in the mirror, would you date someone at your level of attractiveness?
No 8.2%
Yes 91.8%
Left unanswered by 0% of respondents

12) Do you feel that the way you look has hurt your love life?
No 65.5%
Yes 34%
Left unanswered by 0.5% of respondents

13) Have you had or are you considering plastic surgery to improve your looks?
No 76.4%
Yes 22.5%
Left unanswered by 1.1% of respondents

14) Do you approve of other people getting plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons?
No 22.3%
Yes 76.4%
Left unanswered by 1.3% of respondents

15) Are you dieting, exercising, or otherwise attempting to improve your looks right now?
No 31.8%
Yes 67.4%
Left unanswered by 0.8% of respondents

Of the 377 people who took this poll, over 80 people left feedback on the poll. Here are their comments.

***********

99 percent of sex is in your head 1

ANY BODY IMAGE ISSUES i HAD WERE DISPELLED BY ENTERING THE BDSM LIFESTYLE 1

At my age, if I weren't okay with what I look like, I'd be having problems. My answers to judging/being judged on appearance are not my inner beliefs, but based on observation of how superficial most people are when judging others. 1

Body young, mind young. 1

Considering scar removeal 1

Fat is a Feminist Issue, lol, being overweight for many years I have a lot of opinions on body image isues, I wonder what the results of this survey will show, hmmm. It canot be denied that the majority of people have body image or consciousness issues, unfortunately most are negative. I like my body, in my mind I look like those ancient fertility goddesses, ummm well, maybe not that good an image, ancient..... 1

Girls--quit wrapping sweaters around those big, gorgeous butts! 1

Ha. I'm a scrawny little guy. I'd dig being bigger and stronger, but I think I'm damn sexy as is. The plastic sugery isn't precicely "cosmetic", more "corrective", but either way it will make me happy. I am all for anyone doing whatever they want to modify their bodies, even though most plastic surgery goes contrary to my asthetic. 1

How I feel about my body image changes from day to day. Sometimes I feel fine, sometimes I feel unattractive. 1

I admire a beautiful body when I see one. As a Dom I appreciate the naked female form and do take time to admire it. However once a scene has started I only use the body as a conduit to the inner being. In a personal relationship I am first attracted to a body/looks in a transitory way but for long term friendship/relationship it is the inner person that is most important. 1

I am 50 years old. Three years ago I went from 170 to 130 pounds, changed my hair and wardrobe and middle-aged hangups, started using makeup. Somewhere in there I acknowledged my submission, became active in D/s relationships. The weight loss was the precipitating factor of everything else. A sad commentary, but body image IS a reality, still, in our society. I am glad that inroads are being made (e.g. beauty mags now have plus-size models) to change society's pressures, but many of us are still products of the "can't be too rich or too thin" mindset. I am fortunate that I was able to change to my ideal body, it has freed me to have the self-confidence to explore and acknowledge the beautiful SOUL that lay dormant in me for 47 years. 1

I am a 35 year old attractive 24/7 married-sub female who is just now experiencing signs of aging (e.g. facial wrinkles and difficulty maintaining my nice-looking body). I am not happy about it. Maintanance of myself these days seems to be a never ending battle. I am considering cosmetic surgery to give myself another 5 or so years of my youthful appearance. 1

I am tired of being called shallow for not being attracted to certain types 1

I believe it's important to maintain good health and excersize on a regular basis 1

I believe that dieting although obviously sound choice for over all health management, does not guarantee you to be a size perfect. It's genetics that play a major role as well as cultural enviroment. There is no miracle pill, public acceptance or significant love thate will Allow you to accept yourself and love your image But YOU.. 1

I don't so much feel that the actual way that I look hurts my love life .... so much as how I feel about how I look makes me feel unlikely to be appealing to anyone, even though trying to look objectively that seems unlikely 1

I feel that discovering my Dominant characyer helped to rectify the poor self image created in my childhood 1

I have an illness that has increased my body size and often disfigures my face. It is called Lupus, and I am having some difficulty separating who I am from what I look like. 1

I must admit that I am quite fortunate to have someone who loves Me for the person I am /inside/. And while I know O/others consider Me more attractive than I do, I also know that I am My own worst critic and a product of My environment (ad propaganda and the manner in which I was raised). As a Domme, I feel My comfort level with Myself is a bit lacking in this regard, but it's definitely something I'm working on. There's so much more to say here, but I don't want to drone on, so I'll refrain and leave My answers at what they are. 1

I suppose if there were one thing I could change, it would be the changes related to aging. At 47 they are starting to show up. Sigh. 1

I think #7 needs an "other" selection.( I might enjoy firmer or rounder breasts, tho size is more than adequate...and while happy with my height, another few inches would be nice) I do choose to shed weight, later. Most of my adult life I was the slender one and my male partner was the one with the gut....so I guess it evens out. At the moment, other things are a higher priority. It has been interesting, my weight gain....I evidently see me differently (smaller) than others see me, and folks do have a lot of prejudgements about people of size that I was unaware of before I gained weight.....most of them wrong. There seems to be a belief in our society that nice people look nice, are pretty, and those that are not so pretty are ugly on the inside as well. That has not been my experience.....in fact, the reverse has been more often the case. I may be comfortable with me, but I am not comfortable with the judgement of others,so I tend to be more conservative around those with an attitude toward size. Blessings to you....I look forward to your results 1

I think it's important to make the best of what you have, taking care with appearances 1

I think people are far too hung up about the superficial, when they should be more concerned about the state of the mentality. No use is having a pretty partner if they are insane, or emotionally immature, or otherwise screwed up. 1

I think we ALL judge people about their looks...its just comes down to whether or not we judge them negatively, or if we allow our judgements to affect our opinion of the person 1

I'M TOO DAMN TALL AND I HATE IT 1

I'm not too judgemental about others. My concerns about my apearance is that I tend to look quite young 1

I'mm5'10 but Ishould be 6'3 1

If I am unhappy with the way that I look, that's my problem. If you are unhappy with it, it's yours... personal philosophy 1

It is such a challenge to maintain positive self esteem when morbidly obese. 1

It's a struggle to reach a point which embraces self-acceptance without being resigned, and to achieve maintain self-pride without being self-obsessed! 1

It's tough to be a larger woman in this "skinny-loving" society. 1

Iv'e always felt a bit thinner than I would like to be. At 72 inches height, I believe my 168 lbs. could be added to in lean muscle. I just cant seem to put it on through normal exercise. 1

Just after having a baby my body image suffered a bit, but now I'm back to pre-baby weight and happy about it. 1

Male genital size is a bit small, but I know there is nothing that can be safely done to increase; so why concern self with it. 1

Many people use their preceived image as an excuse for an ugly personality! 1

My body image has improved since getting into the BDSM scene and meeting people who look for more than a skinny young girl to date. I see my imperfections, but do not feel that I am unattractive overall. 1

My body image tends to depend on my outlook on life, and other people, instead of staying internal and constant. My biggest body image issues are HPV, and my teeth, not any of the things in that question. 1

My body image varies, and not necessarily in relation to the way I look. 1

My diet/exercise regime has brought out the masochist within. 1

No one is perfect and it is important to always try and look the best you can 1

On the survey: What about people whose annoying body flaw isn't one of the things listed? I dislike my stomach, but that is all. My body is more or less beautiful to me, but I don't want to say it's utterly perfect. I *would* change my "flabby" (probably this is all in my head) tummy if I could... Maybe an "Other" option for what we'd change? 1

Our culture (mis)places so much emphasis on appearances it has truly lost a treasure of good mentally healthy relationships. 1

People put way too much stress on how they look, instead of how they feel. 1

SLIM FAST WORKS GREAT!! 1

Society and commercialism has placed unreal expectations on people about their looks. It's one thing to deal with it as an adult, but i am mostly concerned about what it does to children... especially young girls. 1

The fact that this survey is here is evidence that "image" is important. 1

The majority of women I have met are NEVER content with their body image. Seem cursed even when very attractive. 1

The people in the community have helped me a great deal when it comes to body image. I find much more acceptance here than in the community at large. Of course, there are a few shallow pigs, but for the most part, people seem less concerned with looks, or perhaps our standards of beauty are as diverse as our lifestyles. 1

The response to every one of these questions depends on the time of the year and the time of my life. Ageing has a lot to do with the responses. Most of all, I would like to see the male population put in at least 50% of the energy women put into their external package. I cannot be attracted to beer bellies, poor grooming. lousy haircuts and stupid clothes (and names-titles). Yet, men with all these flaws will sit together ranking women for not being a perfect example of their fantasy-object female, and even tell her so! This hasn't happened to me, but I am so aware that it could if I were just little less fortunate with my genetic heritage. 1

The world has to learn to look past someone's looks and stop putting emphasis on the "perfect woman" or the "perfect man". The majority of today's population is average but when we look inside a person we find they are way above average most of the time. 1

We are our own worst judge 1

When you teach full time and than teach Middle eastern belly dance in the evening, you do not have time to worry about looks. When you do the best for yourself, your body does the best for you. 1

Why are women more concerned than men? 1

ah me, but to be the goddess Venus, standing in that shell . . . . 1

appearance is a living dynamic - we are not mannequins... 1

as for my looks and a partner, when i am at an event i have little trouble attracting a partner, most gay smbd players are looking for experience. as for a home partner i have been with the same man for 32 years. one thing i might change about my self is to put back the foreskin, but not enough for surgery. 1

being of medium height, I know that size counts 1

born that way. effort can make a little improvement 1

can be better 1

even though i feel i could lose a few pounds..the men in my life have liked my body just fine..so i guess i dont dwell much on my wieght.. 1

hi 1

(editor's note: hi back!) :-)

i am also worried at the first "unclothed" meeting that i will be rejected for my body.... once i present myself i do need occasional positive reinforcement however i dont (think) i dwell on it 1

i am submissive and i cant get past my tummy when i am nude..i have had 2 kids and He says that He loves it and that i am beautiful, but i have a hard time believing that...HELP! 1

i have always been full figured unless i starve myself and would like to accept the way i am but at age 44 am wondering if i ever will. 1

i have weighed the spectrum as an adult between 112 pounds to 240+ pounds. Currently at 140 dieting. Recently lost 10 pounds. It is a constant struggle to maintian what i consider an "acceptable" weight. Dieting and/or exercise is something i am always constantly aware of for myself. i feel we all have to be happy with ourselves though. i hold nothing against those that i feel weigh less or more than me. As long as it is their choice and they are happy with how they look. However extreem thinness and/or overwightness usually indicates a problem either medically, emotionally, or psychologically. For me it is an indicator of stress when i get too thin and depression when i start getting to large. ~His angel~ 1

i personally have issues with body weight...it is a matter of what attracts me visually..and i know alot of people want to say it is what is one the inside that counts...however for me, i have to be first attracted to the package. 1

i think my body piercings make me look and feel better 1

i'm persoanally pretty happy with the way i look <shrug> it's all on the outside, anyway, and has very little to do with who we *are* 1

im just a bit fat and chubby, i would like to loose weight and become a bit more smart looking..... 1

it is not good to be fat, no matter what i used to tell myself 1

it's all in my head. Logically, I know I'm attractive, but my neurocis tells me I'm fat because I was fat child. 1

keep fit and enjoy the journey 1

no matter what people say, looks are important to some extent. their personality can overshadow their looks, to the good or bad. i think what is important is liking who you are, then everything else falls into place. 1
none 1

one of the great benefits of regular excercise (weight lifting, cardio) and eating healthfully is that you feel good about yourself. It goes beyond health and beyond ego--when you feel beautiful you look beautiful 1

satisfied 1

some questions don't have the right answers listed... it does not address physical impairment or surgery other than plastic surgery to correct them. 1

someone is beautiful on the outside if they are confident and beautiful on the inside - it shows through like a lovely light. 1

we need to give our young women healthy, realistic women to view as role models as opposed to the anorexic/plastic surgery models they grow up with now 1

why is it so hard to not be lazy about losing some weight when I know the right things to do to make myself look and feel better? 1

with the right eyes and attitude(or lackof) we all look fine! 1

women with full but shapely bodies are sexy even though not portrayed as such in the media 1

you dont have any questions regarding a beer belly which is the worst thing, since that is my biggest hangup i had to answer no hangups 1

The best thing about the net...

i have always thought it was one of the internet's advantages that usually i cannot see the people i am listening or talking to, and that T/they cannot see me.

It is not that i am full of hang-ups about my looks or body-shape, but that i really love to communicate with PEOPLE, regardless of age, sexe, size, race, beliefs, or anything else.

i once went to a message board regularly under a very confusing handle; most people couldn't tell weather i was male or female, old or young, or anything else really. Most of the others ended up taking me more seriously by far than they would have if i had come out as a young submissive woman. i had the most interesting and enthralling discussions and conversations there, and only stopped visiting the site when it stopped existing. Since the others didn't know anything about me other than what i wrote, they couldn't treat me like a girl, boy, woman, man, hetero, gay, black, white, catholic, muslim, jew, ...they responded to my thoughts and to the words i had actually chosen to use to express them.

People very often form their first opinion on others based on what T/they look like, sound like. W/we all usually agree on how unfair that is, but it still happens. i would never have chosen to be with my Master based on what He looks like, or on how He came across the first time W/we met. He is quite handsome, but not at all 'my type'. He is the best thing that ever happened to me though, and i have come to see Him as quite stunningly beautiful actually, but who hasn't ever found that loving someO/one alters the way Y/you see them?

it is heartwrenching to hear and read and see what people have to go through because of what T/they look like. Or because of the way T/they see T/themselves.

Personally, i have always hated my nose, and have now come to recognise it as quite a normal one, and i wish i was a little bit lighter, as quite a few of my trousers currently don't fit, and having had my thirtieth birthday on 26-08 copmbined with this makes me a little anxious. Silly, i know, but they.....