| Question: I can't reach orgasm unless my legs are stuck straight out and tense. This is getting to be a problem because my new girlfriend likes me to buck up against her as I come, but with my legs tense I can't. She says there's something wrong with me, is there? Answer: The only thing wrong with you is that you've become a creature of sexual habit. It's highly unlikely there is a physiological basis for your tension technique. Instead, chances are that the reason you need to do it is because that has been your preferred position for achieving orgasm since you were a boy. Many children, long before they actually touch themselves, or understand anything about sexuality, get into the habit of rubbing against things (floors, bedding, etc.) because the friction feels good. Little girls, for example, will do a lot of bouncing on chairs or drive their parents to distraction by straddling a bouncy toy and going for endless joy-rides. Little boys, built different, may stiffen their bodies, lie on the floor and squirm wildly, or rub up against a wall when they're in bed. Parents seldom recognize these as sexual behaviors but they are. (The children themselves are usually totally unaware that there's anything sexual about what they're doing. I advise against parents intervening, scolding or trying to stop it--it's an innocent expression of natural urges and usually stops by puberty.) That said, many old habits become adult routines. It isn't sick or wrong or abnormal, though it can interfere when your lover needs something different from you. The fact is that by the time we're adults, these habits can be very difficult to break, particularly if we believe that this is the only way we can come. But if you want to change it, you can. The first step is trying to wean yourself off the habit. If you masturbate, that's a good time to experiment, by forcing yourself to keep your legs lax. Don't expect immediate success. If you care enough to break the habit, over time you'll find that other positions can and will feel equally good. Until then, try some other positions with your lover. For example, have her sit astraddle you and ride you during intercourse. Then she should be able to get all the sensation she wants, and you can keep your legs as tense as your heart desires. |