Question:
My girlfriend wants us to defecate in each other's mouths and introduce it into our sex games. Is this dangerous in any way?
Answer:
Ingesting feces is, by its very nature, a dangerous practice. There is no way around it. Excrement--or poop, as I like to call it--swarms with bacteria that do a great job in their environment but are harmful outside of it.
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Question:
My partner enjoys receiving oral anal stimulation and penetration with the tongue. This is also my favourite method of foreplay. Once and for all, please tell me if it is safe or not to continue?

Answer:
Once and for all? You mean my pronouncement on analingus will be an historic occasion?

Such pressure!

Well, unlike actually ingesting feces, analingus can be safely explored. The single most important issue here is HYGIENE. Bottom-line: a clean bum is a happy bum.
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Answer:
Unless your semen comes pre-mixed with turpentine, that's unlikely.

No, I'll go out even further on this tumescent limb: it's impossible.
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Answer:
Is your boyfriend aware of your desire? It can be quite the surprise to emerge from the throes of passion, during which a man is likely to consent to virtually anything, and find two smooth little bowling balls where a proud tangle of hair once curled. If he's scheduled for a visit to the urologist, or works out at a gym, he will feel even more naked than usual.
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Answer:
You're really asking two questions here. Either that or I'm seeing double. In any case, I will give you two answers for the price of one question.

First, there are so many people (male and female) who enjoy intense stimulation to their nipples that there's a slang expression for it: "tit torture," also referred to as TT in personal ads of the naughty sort.
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Answer:
It sounds like the person who is "missing something" might be your boyfriend.

Although some women don't enjoy oral sex, and many don't orgasm this way, generally speaking, the women who have the most difficulty coming during cunnilingus are ones who are uneasy about their lovers" poking around down there" or are otherwise uptight about their vaginas. But if oral sex just makes you yawn and check your wristwatch (rather than tremble in disgust), chances are that your inhibitions are not the problem.
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Answer:
I assume that this "developer" is something you purchased through a sex toy catalogue...and not a photo lab?

Circumcision doesn't increase penis size. So, unless you're converting to Judaism, I don't recommend it. It's also frightfully painful for an adult male.
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Answer:
Frankly, your biggest worry should be that you might develop stretch marks at the corners of your mouth.

As I wrote in yesterday's column, semen has no toxic properties whatever. No matter how much semen is introduced into your body, by whatever route (vagina, mouth, anus), you are unlikely to experience any ill effect (unless a stray hair makes you nauseous). It isn't even fattening.
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Answer:
If you're looking for drama with your orgasms, you can always rig your CD player to begin blaring Wagner at the crucial moment. Short of that, I'm afraid no exercise or technique will improve your own output.
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Answer:
Indeed, they are dynamite: they can explode on you at any time, with fatal consequences.

Mr. Hutchence was a highly publicized case of accidental strangulation during AEA. However, the vast majority of such accidents never show up in the media. Every year, thousands of people--young and middle-aged, male and female--botch AEA experiments and die.
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Answer:
If they go at it like football hooligans rushing a barricade, probably not. However, if they take their time, and are slow and gentle lovers who are sensitive to your needs (and your screams), you'll be fine. Or to quote the the author Robert Heinlein, "With patience and a great deal of saliva, the elephant deflowered the mosquito."
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Answer:
Well, my husband would probably tell you it isn't safe to get anywhere within a 500 km radius of a woman with PMS, but if you can tolerate your girlfriend's company during this trying time, you are home free. There is nothing intrinsically dangerous about having sex during menstrutation.
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Answer:
I can understand feeling ambivalent at the idea of someone pricking surgical steel needles through your labia and clitoris. Any girl would. (Assuming you are a girl.)

In any event, whether you are a boy or a girl, an erotic piercing is sensual to those who find it sensual. In other words, if your boyfriend finds it sexy, and you do too, then it will certainly enhance your pleasure. Proponents of erotic piercing firmly maintain that the extra baubles increase their pleasure because they provide a little extra friction here and there. One popular claim is that people with pierced tongues give better blow jobs, too.
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Answer:
Have you ever had sex with another woman? That is usually a good indicator of lesbianism.

Having fantasies about other women during sex with men doesn't make you a lesbian any more than fantasies about being a rock star make you Mick Jagger.
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Answer:
It would help if I knew exactly what this thing is. If he wants you to stuff a grapefuit down his urethera, I would be disconcerted.

However, I will assume that he is referring to a very slender, sterile probe, and that your boyfriend has already privately experimented with urethral play. At least I hope he has, because if he has never before felt something pushed into that little peeping eye, you will both be in for a bit of excitement.
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Answer:
If you can masturbate five or six times a day and still have time to go to the office, answer your mail, and cook a proper meal for yourself at night, then what's the harm? As we in the former colonies often say, "YOU GO, GIRL!" There is nothing wrong with a healthy libido. In fact, there are millions of men around the world who'd like to meet you. And probably as many who'd like to BE you.
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Answer:
In India, hundreds of generations of holy-men have been imbibing cow urine without apparent complications. In light of mad cow disease in the UK, however, drinking human pee is a far safer bet
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Answer:
The legendary male g-spot is alleged to be somewhere up in the prostate area. I say legendary because scientists are still split on whether a female g-spot exists; so the male g-spot is completely controversial.
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Answer:
Actually, she can. Well, maybe.
According to the Kinsey Institute, some researchers report that as many as 40% of women ejaculate at orgasm. This is not to say that all researchers have reported such results or even that there is consensus on whether it technically (clinically) qualifies as ejaculation when women squirt liquid love during sex.
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Answer:
The only thing wrong with you is that you've become a creature of sexual habit. It's highly unlikely there is a physiological basis for your tension technique. Instead, chances are that the reason you need to do it is because that has been your preferred position for achieving orgasm since you were a boy.
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Answer:
My first thought is that I hope she washes them--before AND after.
There is absolutely nothing intrinsically dangerous about having an intimate relationship with cucumbers, carrots or other crops--unless you consider the absence of intelligent conversation a problem. The only time to worry is when she prefers a vegetable to you. (And, yes, such fetishes can and do occur, albeit RARELY.)
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Answer:
What's wrong with being weird? As you can tell, being weird has landed me this glamorous job liberally dispensing weird advice to the weirdly oversexed masses. In fact, I owe all my success to my weirdness.
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Answer:
I'd never advise anyone to give up permanently on masturbation, as I consider it a healthy and even necessary part of a complete adult sex life. However, in this case, it might be a good idea to hold off masturbating until you've consulted a physician. As I'm not a medical doctor, I can only make an educated guess and my guess is that this could possibly be caused by a blood pressure problem. However, only a medial doctor can give you a proper diagnosis so don't take my word for it.
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Answer:
There are a thousand other ways a wife can please her husband in bed but if your husband is erotically transformed by wearing your knickers, none of them will be as exciting or satisfying for him. They may be knickers, objectively, but erotically, they're a sex toy that he needs to reach the peaks of pleasure he craves.
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