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The following Q&A originally appeared in The Sport, the
United Kingdom's self-proclaimed "Breast Taboid".
For one wild week in 2000, Dr. Brame wrote an uncensored
guest column. Readers were urged to send in their kinkiest questions
and Dr. Brame answered with humorous candor.
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Question:
My girlfriend wants us to defecate
in each other's mouths and introduce it into our sex games.
Is this dangerous in any way?
Answer:
Ingesting feces is, by its very
nature, a dangerous practice. There is no way around it. Excrement--or
poop, as I like to call it--swarms with bacteria that do a great
job in their environment but are harmful outside of it.
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Question:
My partner enjoys receiving oral
anal stimulation and penetration with the tongue. This is also
my favourite method of foreplay. Once and for all, please tell
me if it is safe or not to continue?
Answer:
Once and for all? You mean my
pronouncement on analingus will be an historic occasion?
Such pressure!
Well, unlike actually ingesting
feces, analingus can be safely explored. The single most important
issue here is HYGIENE. Bottom-line: a clean bum is a happy bum.
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Question:
Can you please settle a dispute
between me and my girlfriend. I find it really horny to ejaculate
onto her face, but she¹s adamant that sperm can blind her
if it goes into her eyes or burn the skin on her face. Who is
right?
Answer:
Unless your semen comes pre-mixed
with turpentine, that's unlikely.
No, I'll go out even further
on this tumescent limb: it's impossible.
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Question:
I'd really like to shave my boyfriend's
balls. Is it safe and if so how can I incorporate it into our
lovemaking sessions.
Answer:
Is your boyfriend aware of your
desire? It can be quite the surprise to emerge from the throes
of passion, during which a man is likely to consent to virtually
anything, and find two smooth little bowling balls where a proud
tangle of hair once curled. If he's scheduled for a visit to
the urologist, or works out at a gym, he will feel even more
naked than usual.
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Question:
My boyfriend likes me to really
pull and twist on his nipples while we are having sex, to the
point where I am scared I will damage them. But he doesn't like
pain anywhwere else. Is this normal?
Answer:
You're really asking two questions
here. Either that or I'm seeing double. In any case, I will
give you two answers for the price of one question.
First, there are so many people (male
and female) who enjoy intense stimulation to their nipples that
there's a slang expression for it: "tit torture,"
also referred to as TT in personal ads of the naughty sort.
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Question:
How can I have an orgasm through
oral sex? My boyfriend loves to go down on me, but it doesn't
really do anything for me. I've read all this stuff about the
clitoris and how fantastic it is, but it's not happening for me.
Could I be missing something?
Answer:
It sounds like the person who
is "missing something" might be your boyfriend.
Although some women don't enjoy oral
sex, and many don't orgasm this way, generally speaking, the
women who have the most difficulty coming during cunnilingus
are ones who are uneasy about their lovers" poking around
down there" or are otherwise uptight about their vaginas.
But if oral sex just makes you yawn and check your wristwatch
(rather than tremble in disgust), chances are that your inhibitions
are not the problem.
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Question:
I've increased my penis size with
a developer but I can't increase it anymore because my foreskin
can't go back over it. It is worth getting it circumcised to
increase it more?
Answer:
I assume that this "developer"
is something you purchased through a sex toy catalogue...and
not a photo lab?
Circumcision doesn't increase
penis size. So, unless you're converting to Judaism, I don't
recommend it. It's also frightfully painful for an adult male.
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Question:
I love the taste of sperm and
give my boyfriend at least three blowjobs a day. However I am
concerned about the amount I'm swallowing and worried what it
might do to my insides. Am I worrying unnecessarily?
Answer:
Frankly, your biggest worry should
be that you might develop stretch marks at the corners of your
mouth.
As I wrote in yesterday's column,
semen has no toxic properties whatever. No matter how much semen
is introduced into your body, by whatever route (vagina, mouth,
anus), you are unlikely to experience any ill effect (unless
a stray hair makes you nauseous). It isn't even fattening.
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Question:
I have a problem ejaculating. When
I come I only dribble. Is there anything I can take or do to make
the effect a bit more dramatic.
Answer:
If you're looking for drama with
your orgasms, you can always rig your CD player to begin blaring
Wagner at the crucial moment. Short of that, I'm afraid no exercise
or technique will improve your own output.
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Question:
I've done a bit of kinky experimentation
but I've heard orgasm from auto-erotic asphyxiation are dynamite.
Is is as amazing as everyone claims and can you recommend a
safe way to try it without doing a Michael Hutchence and hanging
yourself.
Answer:
Indeed, they are dynamite: they
can explode on you at any time, with fatal consequences.
Mr. Hutchence was a highly publicized
case of accidental strangulation during AEA. However, the vast
majority of such accidents never show up in the media. Every
year, thousands of people--young and middle-aged, male and female--botch
AEA experiments and die.
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Question:
Is double penetration dangerous.
My boyfriend and have dabbled with three-in-bed sex with a friend
of ours. but we haven't gone that far yet, because I'm scared
it could damage me.
Answer:
If they go at it like football
hooligans rushing a barricade, probably not. However, if they
take their time, and are slow and gentle lovers who are sensitive
to your needs (and your screams), you'll be fine. Or to quote
the the author Robert Heinlein, "With patience and a great
deal of saliva, the elephant deflowered the mosquito."
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Question:
My girlfriend always gets really
horny when she's on her period. Is it safe to have sex with her
then?
Answer:
Well, my husband would probably
tell you it isn't safe to get anywhere within a 500 km radius
of a woman with PMS, but if you can tolerate your girlfriend's
company during this trying time, you are home free. There is
nothing intrinsically dangerous about having sex during menstrutation.
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Question:
My boyfriend wants me to get my
genitals pierced. But I'm a bit dubious. Will it add to my pleasure?
Answer:
I can understand feeling ambivalent
at the idea of someone pricking surgical steel needles through
your labia and clitoris. Any girl would. (Assuming you are a
girl.)
In any event, whether you are
a boy or a girl, an erotic piercing is sensual to those who
find it sensual. In other words, if your boyfriend finds it
sexy, and you do too, then it will certainly enhance your pleasure.
Proponents of erotic piercing firmly maintain that the extra
baubles increase their pleasure because they provide a little
extra friction here and there. One popular claim is that people
with pierced tongues give better blow jobs, too.
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Question:
I fantasise about other women when
my boydfriend is giving me cunnilingus, but not during any other
sex act. Am I a lesbian?
Answer:
Have you ever had sex with another
woman? That is usually a good indicator of lesbianism.
Having fantasies about other
women during sex with men doesn't make you a lesbian any more
than fantasies about being a rock star make you Mick Jagger.
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Question:
My boyfriend wants me to shove
a things down the end of his penis during foreplay but I'm scared
of hurting him. Can you advise me.
Answer:
It would help if I knew exactly
what this thing is. If he wants you to stuff a grapefuit down
his urethera, I would be disconcerted.
However, I will assume that he
is referring to a very slender, sterile probe, and that your
boyfriend has already privately experimented with urethral play.
At least I hope he has, because if he has never before felt
something pushed into that little peeping eye, you will both
be in for a bit of excitement.
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Question:
I am female and play with myself
five or six times a day. Is that too much.
Answer:
If you can masturbate five or
six times a day and still have time to go to the office, answer
your mail, and cook a proper meal for yourself at night, then
what's the harm? As we in the former colonies often say, "YOU
GO, GIRL!" There is nothing wrong with a healthy libido.
In fact, there are millions of men around the world who'd like
to meet you. And probably as many who'd like to BE you.
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Question:
My boyfriend and I often pee in
each other's mouths. Is there any harm in drinking urine.
Answer:
In India, hundreds of generations
of holy-men have been imbibing cow urine without apparent complications.
In light of mad cow disease in the UK, however, drinking human
pee is a far safer bet.
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Question:
Does the male g-spot really exist,
if so where is it and how do I get my partner to stimulate it.
Answer:
The legendary male g-spot is alleged
to be somewhere up in the prostate area. I say legendary because
scientists are still split on whether a female g-spot exists;
so the male g-spot is completely controversial.
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Question:
Can a woman actually ejaculate.
My girlfriend says they can't but I've read somewhere that they
can.
Answer:
Actually, she can. Well, maybe.
According to the Kinsey Institute, some researchers report that
as many as 40% of women ejaculate at orgasm. This is not to
say that all researchers have reported such results or even
that there is consensus on whether it technically (clinically)
qualifies as ejaculation when women squirt liquid love during
sex.
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Question:
I can't reach orgasm unless my legs
are stuck straight out and tense. This is getting to be a problem
because my new girlfriend likes me to buck up against her as I
come, but with my legs tense I can't. She says there's something
wrong with me, is there?
Answer:
The only thing wrong with you
is that you've become a creature of sexual habit. It's highly
unlikely there is a physiological basis for your tension technique.
Instead, chances are that the reason you need to do it is because
that has been your preferred position for achieving orgasm since
you were a boy.
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Question:
My girlfriend likes to use different
types of fruit and veg on herself when I'm not at home. She
says it gives her a great orgasm but I'm worried that it could
be dangerous or unhealthy. I need your advice.
Answer:
My first thought is that I hope
she washes them--before AND after.
There is absolutely nothing intrinsically dangerous about having
an intimate relationship with cucumbers, carrots or other crops--unless
you consider the absence of intelligent conversation a problem.
The only time to worry is when she prefers a vegetable to you.
(And, yes, such fetishes can and do occur, albeit RARELY.)
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Question:
I have a real problem and I'm
desperate for help. I'm really into kinky sex but don't know
how to ask my boyfriend if he wants to try it out in the bedroom.
It's only things like handcuffs and whips, but I'm terrified
he'll think I'm wierd.
Answer:
What's wrong with being weird?
As you can tell, being weird has landed me this glamorous job
liberally dispensing weird advice to the weirdly oversexed masses.
In fact, I owe all my success to my weirdness.
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Question:
Every time I masturbate I get a
really crushing headache pain like my head's in a vice. It throbbs
like my pulse and takes about 15 minutes to go away. Should I
stop masturbating?
Answer:
I'd never advise anyone to give
up permanently on masturbation, as I consider it a healthy and
even necessary part of a complete adult sex life. However, in
this case, it might be a good idea to hold off masturbating
until you've consulted a physician. As I'm not a medical doctor,
I can only make an educated guess and my guess is that this
could possibly be caused by a blood pressure problem. However,
only a medial doctor can give you a proper diagnosis so don't
take my word for it.
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Question:
My husband has developed a liking
for wearing my knickers when we make love. It really puts me off
sex but he says it's the only way he can get excited. What other
ways can I satisfy him.
Answer:
There are a thousand other ways
a wife can please her husband in bed but if your husband is
erotically transformed by wearing your knickers, none of them
will be as exciting or satisfying for him. They may be knickers,
objectively, but erotically, they're a sex toy that he needs
to reach the peaks of pleasure he craves.
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