Ask Dr. Brame
Q&A In the UK

gloriabramephd@aol.com

Sensitive, non-judgmental, and confidential counseling on sex and relationships.

 

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The following Q&A originally appeared in The Sport, the United Kingdom's self-proclaimed "Breast Taboid".  For one wild week in 2000,  Dr. Brame wrote an uncensored guest column. Readers were urged to send in their kinkiest questions and Dr. Brame answered with humorous candor.

 

Question:
My girlfriend wants us to defecate in each other's mouths and introduce it into our sex games. Is this dangerous in any way?

Answer:
Ingesting feces is, by its very nature, a dangerous practice. There is no way around it. Excrement--or poop, as I like to call it--swarms with bacteria that do a great job in their environment but are harmful outside of it.
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Question:
My partner enjoys receiving oral anal stimulation and penetration with the tongue. This is also my favourite method of foreplay. Once and for all, please tell me if it is safe or not to continue?

Answer:
Once and for all? You mean my pronouncement on analingus will be an historic occasion?

Such pressure!

Well, unlike actually ingesting feces, analingus can be safely explored. The single most important issue here is HYGIENE. Bottom-line: a clean bum is a happy bum.
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Question:
Can you please settle a dispute between me and my girlfriend. I find it really horny to ejaculate onto her face, but she¹s adamant that sperm can blind her if it goes into her eyes or burn the skin on her face. Who is right?

Answer:
Unless your semen comes pre-mixed with turpentine, that's unlikely.

No, I'll go out even further on this tumescent limb: it's impossible.
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Question:
I'd really like to shave my boyfriend's balls. Is it safe and if so how can I incorporate it into our lovemaking sessions.

Answer:
Is your boyfriend aware of your desire? It can be quite the surprise to emerge from the throes of passion, during which a man is likely to consent to virtually anything, and find two smooth little bowling balls where a proud tangle of hair once curled. If he's scheduled for a visit to the urologist, or works out at a gym, he will feel even more naked than usual.
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Question:
My boyfriend likes me to really pull and twist on his nipples while we are having sex, to the point where I am scared I will damage them. But he doesn't like pain anywhwere else. Is this normal?


Answer:
You're really asking two questions here. Either that or I'm seeing double. In any case, I will give you two answers for the price of one question.

First, there are so many people (male and female) who enjoy intense stimulation to their nipples that there's a slang expression for it: "tit torture," also referred to as TT in personal ads of the naughty sort.
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Question:
How can I have an orgasm through oral sex? My boyfriend loves to go down on me, but it doesn't really do anything for me. I've read all this stuff about the clitoris and how fantastic it is, but it's not happening for me. Could I be missing something?

Answer:
It sounds like the person who is "missing something" might be your boyfriend.

Although some women don't enjoy oral sex, and many don't orgasm this way, generally speaking, the women who have the most difficulty coming during cunnilingus are ones who are uneasy about their lovers" poking around down there" or are otherwise uptight about their vaginas. But if oral sex just makes you yawn and check your wristwatch (rather than tremble in disgust), chances are that your inhibitions are not the problem.
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Question:
I've increased my penis size with a developer but I can't increase it anymore because my foreskin can't go back over it. It is worth getting it circumcised to increase it more?

Answer:
I assume that this "developer" is something you purchased through a sex toy catalogue...and not a photo lab?

Circumcision doesn't increase penis size. So, unless you're converting to Judaism, I don't recommend it. It's also frightfully painful for an adult male.
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Question:
I love the taste of sperm and give my boyfriend at least three blowjobs a day. However I am concerned about the amount I'm swallowing and worried what it might do to my insides. Am I worrying unnecessarily?

Answer:
Frankly, your biggest worry should be that you might develop stretch marks at the corners of your mouth.

As I wrote in yesterday's column, semen has no toxic properties whatever. No matter how much semen is introduced into your body, by whatever route (vagina, mouth, anus), you are unlikely to experience any ill effect (unless a stray hair makes you nauseous). It isn't even fattening.
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Question:
I have a problem ejaculating. When I come I only dribble. Is there anything I can take or do to make the effect a bit more dramatic.

Answer:
If you're looking for drama with your orgasms, you can always rig your CD player to begin blaring Wagner at the crucial moment. Short of that, I'm afraid no exercise or technique will improve your own output.
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Question:
I've done a bit of kinky experimentation but I've heard orgasm from auto-erotic asphyxiation are dynamite. Is is as amazing as everyone claims and can you recommend a safe way to try it without doing a Michael Hutchence and hanging yourself.

Answer:
Indeed, they are dynamite: they can explode on you at any time, with fatal consequences.

Mr. Hutchence was a highly publicized case of accidental strangulation during AEA. However, the vast majority of such accidents never show up in the media. Every year, thousands of people--young and middle-aged, male and female--botch AEA experiments and die.
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Question:
Is double penetration dangerous. My boyfriend and have dabbled with three-in-bed sex with a friend of ours. but we haven't gone that far yet, because I'm scared it could damage me.

Answer:
If they go at it like football hooligans rushing a barricade, probably not. However, if they take their time, and are slow and gentle lovers who are sensitive to your needs (and your screams), you'll be fine. Or to quote the the author Robert Heinlein, "With patience and a great deal of saliva, the elephant deflowered the mosquito."
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Question:
My girlfriend always gets really horny when she's on her period. Is it safe to have sex with her then?

Answer:
Well, my husband would probably tell you it isn't safe to get anywhere within a 500 km radius of a woman with PMS, but if you can tolerate your girlfriend's company during this trying time, you are home free. There is nothing intrinsically dangerous about having sex during menstrutation.
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Question:
My boyfriend wants me to get my genitals pierced. But I'm a bit dubious. Will it add to my pleasure?

Answer:
I can understand feeling ambivalent at the idea of someone pricking surgical steel needles through your labia and clitoris. Any girl would. (Assuming you are a girl.)

In any event, whether you are a boy or a girl, an erotic piercing is sensual to those who find it sensual. In other words, if your boyfriend finds it sexy, and you do too, then it will certainly enhance your pleasure. Proponents of erotic piercing firmly maintain that the extra baubles increase their pleasure because they provide a little extra friction here and there. One popular claim is that people with pierced tongues give better blow jobs, too.
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 Question:
I fantasise about other women when my boydfriend is giving me cunnilingus, but not during any other sex act. Am I a lesbian?

Answer:
Have you ever had sex with another woman? That is usually a good indicator of lesbianism.

Having fantasies about other women during sex with men doesn't make you a lesbian any more than fantasies about being a rock star make you Mick Jagger.
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Question:
My boyfriend wants me to shove a things down the end of his penis during foreplay but I'm scared of hurting him. Can you advise me.

Answer:
It would help if I knew exactly what this thing is. If he wants you to stuff a grapefuit down his urethera, I would be disconcerted.

However, I will assume that he is referring to a very slender, sterile probe, and that your boyfriend has already privately experimented with urethral play. At least I hope he has, because if he has never before felt something pushed into that little peeping eye, you will both be in for a bit of excitement.
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Question:
I am female and play with myself five or six times a day. Is that too much.

Answer:
If you can masturbate five or six times a day and still have time to go to the office, answer your mail, and cook a proper meal for yourself at night, then what's the harm? As we in the former colonies often say, "YOU GO, GIRL!" There is nothing wrong with a healthy libido. In fact, there are millions of men around the world who'd like to meet you. And probably as many who'd like to BE you.
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Question:
My boyfriend and I often pee in each other's mouths. Is there any harm in drinking urine.

Answer:
In India, hundreds of generations of holy-men have been imbibing cow urine without apparent complications. In light of mad cow disease in the UK, however, drinking human pee is a far safer bet.
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Question:
Does the male g-spot really exist, if so where is it and how do I get my partner to stimulate it.

Answer:
The legendary male g-spot is alleged to be somewhere up in the prostate area. I say legendary because scientists are still split on whether a female g-spot exists; so the male g-spot is completely controversial.
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Question:
Can a woman actually ejaculate. My girlfriend says they can't but I've read somewhere that they can.

Answer:
Actually, she can. Well, maybe.
According to the Kinsey Institute, some researchers report that as many as 40% of women ejaculate at orgasm. This is not to say that all researchers have reported such results or even that there is consensus on whether it technically (clinically) qualifies as ejaculation when women squirt liquid love during sex.

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Question:
I can't reach orgasm unless my legs are stuck straight out and tense. This is getting to be a problem because my new girlfriend likes me to buck up against her as I come, but with my legs tense I can't. She says there's something wrong with me, is there?

Answer:
The only thing wrong with you is that you've become a creature of sexual habit. It's highly unlikely there is a physiological basis for your tension technique. Instead, chances are that the reason you need to do it is because that has been your preferred position for achieving orgasm since you were a boy.
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Question:
My girlfriend likes to use different types of fruit and veg on herself when I'm not at home. She says it gives her a great orgasm but I'm worried that it could be dangerous or unhealthy. I need your advice.

Answer:
My first thought is that I hope she washes them--before AND after.
There is absolutely nothing intrinsically dangerous about having an intimate relationship with cucumbers, carrots or other crops--unless you consider the absence of intelligent conversation a problem. The only time to worry is when she prefers a vegetable to you. (And, yes, such fetishes can and do occur, albeit RARELY.)
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Question:
I have a real problem and I'm desperate for help. I'm really into kinky sex but don't know how to ask my boyfriend if he wants to try it out in the bedroom. It's only things like handcuffs and whips, but I'm terrified he'll think I'm wierd.

Answer:
What's wrong with being weird? As you can tell, being weird has landed me this glamorous job liberally dispensing weird advice to the weirdly oversexed masses. In fact, I owe all my success to my weirdness.
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Question:
Every time I masturbate I get a really crushing headache pain like my head's in a vice. It throbbs like my pulse and takes about 15 minutes to go away. Should I stop masturbating?

Answer:
I'd never advise anyone to give up permanently on masturbation, as I consider it a healthy and even necessary part of a complete adult sex life. However, in this case, it might be a good idea to hold off masturbating until you've consulted a physician. As I'm not a medical doctor, I can only make an educated guess and my guess is that this could possibly be caused by a blood pressure problem. However, only a medial doctor can give you a proper diagnosis so don't take my word for it.
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Question:
My husband has developed a liking for wearing my knickers when we make love. It really puts me off sex but he says it's the only way he can get excited. What other ways can I satisfy him.

Answer:
There are a thousand other ways a wife can please her husband in bed but if your husband is erotically transformed by wearing your knickers, none of them will be as exciting or satisfying for him. They may be knickers, objectively, but erotically, they're a sex toy that he needs to reach the peaks of pleasure he craves.
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